Tuesday, December 9, 2008

This Time Last Year

In trying times it's important to count your blessings. With the economy tetter-tottering on the brink of complete and utter disaster, my business on life support, and my marriage alternately spasming and calming like it's a bipolar lunatic off meds - I'm drawn to thoughts of this time a year ago. Last year in December I had no financial worries, no marital problems and my big concern was finding a domme. Just before Christmas, like a naughty guy with a list in his hot little hand, I made my last concerted effort to find a dominant. My sometimes wise cracking shrink has termed it "domme shopping".

I used to domme shop by cruising the Max Fisch ads for New York, the New York Craigslist ads, and matches on Alt.com. It was an obsessive-compulsive, highly erotic ritual. I'd look at websites, read descriptions, and run names in the Reviews section of The Hang. Before I joined the Hang in the spring of this year, I had lurked there forever and used the board primarily to vet the dommes I shopped. It was all pretty solitary, not at all interactive and gave me no meaningful chance to really connect. It was way client.

Anyway, I had sent off emails to the dommes I was attracted to and awaited their responses. I got one. I found her oh so hot. She was lusty, lascivious, and very smart. She was also a manipulative schemer. So from mid-December to early February I went on a compelling, flat out addictive bdsm binge with a domme who seemed to know exactly what buttons to push for maximum effect. Don't get me wrong. I'm blaming no one. It was very erotic. I have powerful memories of our ill-fated liason. But I was blindly and self destructively fanatical and she just reeled me in.

And today ... I'm not self destructive at all. I have a wonderful domme who loves me, great kinky friends who make me laugh and support me. And even though it is a very, very trying time ... I wouldn't turn the clock back for anything.

But baby, that Craigslist domme looked like a nice vamp and I was sure enough looking for love in a trashcan.

6 comments:

Aarkey said...

The end of the year and the holidays are such a strange and automatic time for reflection.

I'm sorry that the year has been tough on you (though you are definitely not alone) and I do know that you've gone through some great learning experiences.

And regarding Craig's List Dommes... a friend of mine once said (though it sure sounds harsh...) You won't find a new car at the junk yard.

advochasty said...

So many people have had it so much tougher than I have and if the Senate Republicans have their way we'll be living the sequel to "The Grapes of Wrath."

Yah, I hear ya about Craigslist Dommes. But hey, it was the aftermath of Ms. Junkyard that got me to your blog. She was the Noni look-a-like who smoked, loved vintage lingerie, and gave me a couple of black and blue beauties high on my inner thighs with her riding crop.

Your first reaction until I unloaded five pages of details on you? "She sounds like a goddess, why did you break it off?"

And that my brother was the start of a beautiful friendship. A true bright spot in gritty wonderful year in the life.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

I agree that gratitude is so important. I try to count my blessings when I see clouds on the horizon or I start feeling a little blue.

I certainly know that feeling of being blindly destructively fanatical about a relationship with a prodomme. I think many subs have felt that way at one time or another. I don't think I was looking for love in a trashcan but I was certainly barking up the wrong tree.

I am glad things are looking up for you and I am very glad to have you as one of my kinky comrades.

All The Best

hmp

advochasty said...

HMP -

Your counsel and friendship has meant a great deal to me over this year. The difference from a year ago with my kink is dramatic. I'm much more comfortable in my own skin and proud to be me.

From one old dog to another - may we continue to bark up trees like pups and may they occasionally be the right ones!

slave2Catwoman said...

How about a hint as to the identity of Mistress Manipulative? What general area does she live in, or what color hair or something. Make a puzzle of it. I wonder if I could figure it out.

advochasty said...

slave2catwoman -

Hey, I already gave two clues in my response to Aarkey. Ok, ok ... ya want more?

She trained at "the place you try and think out of" ...

We sessioned in "the Temple of Athena".

Her domme name is one in this season we are urged to sing with one accord.

Actually, I asked some pretty hooked-in dommes about her since I've been a bit more out and nobody knows her. Very low profile.

If you think you have it, please don't post it here. PM me on the Max board. I hate to kiss feet and tell.

Happy hols man!