In trying times it's important to count your blessings. With the economy tetter-tottering on the brink of complete and utter disaster, my business on life support, and my marriage alternately spasming and calming like it's a bipolar lunatic off meds - I'm drawn to thoughts of this time a year ago. Last year in December I had no financial worries, no marital problems and my big concern was finding a domme. Just before Christmas, like a naughty guy with a list in his hot little hand, I made my last concerted effort to find a dominant. My sometimes wise cracking shrink has termed it "domme shopping".
I used to domme shop by cruising the Max Fisch ads for New York, the New York Craigslist ads, and matches on Alt.com. It was an obsessive-compulsive, highly erotic ritual. I'd look at websites, read descriptions, and run names in the Reviews section of The Hang. Before I joined the Hang in the spring of this year, I had lurked there forever and used the board primarily to vet the dommes I shopped. It was all pretty solitary, not at all interactive and gave me no meaningful chance to really connect. It was way client.
Anyway, I had sent off emails to the dommes I was attracted to and awaited their responses. I got one. I found her oh so hot. She was lusty, lascivious, and very smart. She was also a manipulative schemer. So from mid-December to early February I went on a compelling, flat out addictive bdsm binge with a domme who seemed to know exactly what buttons to push for maximum effect. Don't get me wrong. I'm blaming no one. It was very erotic. I have powerful memories of our ill-fated liason. But I was blindly and self destructively fanatical and she just reeled me in.
And today ... I'm not self destructive at all. I have a wonderful domme who loves me, great kinky friends who make me laugh and support me. And even though it is a very, very trying time ... I wouldn't turn the clock back for anything.
But baby, that Craigslist domme looked like a nice vamp and I was sure enough looking for love in a trashcan.
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