Sunday, April 3, 2011

The Stealth E-Date Profile

So, you're a red-blooded, horny, kinky, newly single (or something), submissive guy and you want to maximize your chances of catching the eye of a dommy girl love interest. Sure, there are classes, fetish parties, munches, Shibari Cons, writing salons, and the old fashioned set-up. But when you get right down to it, don't you want to at least try the on-line dating thing?

Some time ago I signed up for and I'm just recently getting more emails that say there are hordes of dominant women who live within five miles of me and want to meet me. I find CollarMe to be odd and very random. No thought given to potential compatibility.

Before I separated from my wife I messed around a bit on She-Who-Visits met her husband on Alt. But the site tends to be almost exclusively kink focussed. I mean I do have a serious vintage lingerie fetish, but I like to know she's well read and can run rings around me with her interests in dance, theatre, and her mastery (mistressery?) of some obscure 17th century artist. Me, I like a good action movie, a vat of diet coke, and a tub of salty, butter-like topping soaked popcorn. Don't they say opposites attract, or something?

But I figured what the hell, I took the plunge and I signed up again as "advochasty". We'll see. I like the overtly kinky profiles there.

I also joined Mainly because at lunch last week with Ms. Mah Wah Kiss she emphatically stated I should immediately jump in there since everyone knows "Nerve is for Pervs". Site is set up like Alt. Both have these "Gold and Silver" pay-to-play memberships which allow more access to your fellow seekers. I tried to pay for Alt but the fraud protection folks stopped the transaction as suspicious. Oh come on, I've lived on my own almost a whole year now. I'm looking for love in all the right places, aren't I?

But my real find is OK Cupid. It's totally free, lets you post pictures, and has a never ending supply of personality based multiple choice questions that help to match you up to your potential perfect date. The site operators have a sense of humor too. I got an email this week that showed me five potential love interests. We'd gotten high compatibility ratings on some subjects and polar opposites in others. The email urged me to view the women as great "divorce material". Hilarious.

But what I like best about OK Cupid is that it rates by bar graph all the folks who answer the personality questions as having a higher or lower amount of say kindness, coolness, or spirtuality against an average. And they rate for kinky!

I joined OK Cupid at the suggestion of a kinky friend but she didn't tell me about the kink-o-meter. I just signed up this week. At first I was all like, "dude, this sucks", as I was getting hit on by women who wanted to walk on the beach and cook with me. But I discovered the kink-o-meter and now I'm the one who is cooking with gas! So far I've sent out three messages. All to bisexual women, all who are very clearly into kink. We'll see, they probably won't respond. But I find the site highly entertaining.

My stealth profile talks about vanilla stuff and hints at my kink. One of the bits of information the site asks you to provide is "The most private thing I'm willing to admit"... I wrote, something about liking nice, bold women who are appropriately mean. A domme would get that, wouldn't she? Not be offended that I want her mean. But I'm not saying my chastity record is 82 days, I like to drink your piss, and lick the back seam of your fully fashioned, reinforced heel and toe, black Cuban stockings. Though probably not in that order.

So there we have it. Advo the E-Dater. Hey, ya never know. A new subbie friend said he met his partner and Love Domme on E-Harmony! And if this doesn't work, maybe I'll just get a car that goes boom.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

Great summation of the on-line dating scene for erstwhile kinksters! I was about to tell you about the kinky couple who met on E-Harmony but forgot that you are now in touch with them so of course you already knew that. As to drinking pee and licking reinforced Cuban heeled stockings I would have to agree that order of operations are extremely important! :-p

Anonymous said...


Good luck and it does happen. i hit the Domme jackpot on Collar Me a few months ago.


advochasty said...


Glad you liked it. OK Cupid is an OCD sufferer's nightmare. Where does the time go?

While I'm not a big protocol guy, certain nicities should be observed for the enjoyment of all concerned!

iKink -

Ya know, maybe I'll give CollarMe another shot. Thanks for sharing and congrats!!

Aarkey said...

LOL, I love... "nurturingly bossy and a little understandingly mean."

If a domme on that site doesn't get that, she's probably not savvy enough to keep your attention for long.

My personal line is "mistreat me appropriately" :)

Good luck with it. I know that stuff didn't bring me any success when I tried it. But that was like 8 years ago, and there are a lot more people online like that than there used to be.

advochasty said...

Aarkey -

I'm totally stealing your line! Updating my profile now!

You know I'm going in with no expectations and although I hope I get a date or two, I ain't holdin' my breath.

Although, one of the women I sent a message to said she likes to "tease the arrogance out of toppy guys." Gotta love that. Getting a divorce, busy with kids, very hot. 99% match. The title of my message? "Yeah, but do you like to tease bottomy guys too?"

Probably never hear back.

Oh well, at least I'm having fun and that's what counts.

Anonymous said...

Dear Advo,

OKC is a fine choice. It's the only site I've used continuously throughout the last three years or so (I had limited success with as well).

Make sure you take advantage of the search features; if you choose to pay for their perineum membership you also get additional options to filter results, and I might be wrong but I believe one of them has to do with kink.

Pay attention also to the [brackets] when editing your profile. These allow you to make a certain term a link, which will link you to other people with a similar interest. Say, for example, you type the following: "I'm looking for a [red car]" the words red car will become a link on your profile.

There are other tricks and usages for this site, but I don't want to give it out all at once... Keep us updated though :)

advochasty said...

Josh -

Is your comment a test for reading comprehension? Based on what I've seen OKC is a pretty cool, even arguably very kink friendly site; but I haven't run across their "perineum membership" yet. I'm signing up for that one, for sure!!

Now that you mention it, I do recall seeing the bracketed terms. I shall definitely give it a shot. Thanks for dropping by and I'll for sure keep everyone posted.

Mistress Justine Cross - Los Angeles Dominatrix said...

It's funny how many pro-domme profiles I see on there. I have similar gripes with Collarme. So annoying.

advochasty said...

Ms. Justine -

Alt is lots of professional ads. And it really is totally useless unless you get one of the paid memberships. CollarMe seems weird and limited.

But I think as with all of it, I don't expect much and I'm just trying to have fun.

OKCupid sent me the woman I just broke up with as someone I might be interested in, but they did say "y'all got issues".

You can't make this stuff up.

Hey, thanks for dropping by!!

Sublivion2k said...

Hey Advo,

A guy like you - they should be lining up in high heel and seamed stockings just for the chance!

I found Collar Me to be a wasteland, and haven't really tried any of the other sites. I'll be curious to hear what kind of trouble you find in your e-dating adventures.

Best o' luck!


advochasty said...


Thanks for the encouragement. I'm looking to enjoy the adventure of the process. Dig whatever ride I take.

As for dommes lining up for me...yeah! That's the ticket.

Stricky said...

Your quote makes it very easy to find you on OKCupid. Are you sure you want to make it this easy to link your blog to your pictures?

advochasty said...

Stricky -

Hmm...good point! Thanks. Sometimes I think I'm just hanging out in my living room!!

You're a mench!

advochasty said...

Stricky -

Er...mensch. Yeah! That! And a fine fellow! Or whatever. Did a little track covering.

Thanks again!!