tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1458862844610146892.post6299080891191985805..comments2023-10-08T11:38:43.498-04:00Comments on Client Nine and a Half: High Maintenanceadvochastyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10602192383025913039noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1458862844610146892.post-37488851295198376462008-08-02T10:49:00.000-04:002008-08-02T10:49:00.000-04:00MTO,Though I in no way posted this to "top from th...MTO,<BR/><BR/>Though I in no way posted this to "top from the bottom", one of the upsides of being a masochist is that I get a little thrill out of being slapped around like this.<BR/><BR/>Truly, I mean no disrespect by this post, though I do see how it could strike you that way.<BR/><BR/>Hmmm ... lagniappe ... just looked it up on wiki :) What a wonderful word. Not only are ya knockin' me around for my own good, but yer educating me!<BR/><BR/>Honestly, I'm not looking for marriage counseling from my domme. I have a therapist for that. My therapist likes me alot. I've known her since I was two it feels like. In the entire time I'm seeing her, I never have had so much as a cup of coffee with her outside of session. No lagniappe either ... :)<BR/><BR/>But then again, she's never seen me naked, lashed to a bondage table at week three of on-my-honor chastity with a sound probing the business end of my fifty five year old facsimile of serious wood. <BR/><BR/>But, I hear you. Time is my commodity too and as I said to Aarkey, I don't even do lattes at Starbucks with my clients.<BR/><BR/>In the end ... this need for an emotional connection is there in me. This need to be some form of friends - (ok, ok, ya got me ... ya can't fall asleep on my couch ... but i'd do any of the other stuff with you) - just is. Rein that shit in all I may ... it is there. <BR/><BR/>Maybe it'll go away. It's that half step, half desire, half want that has gotten me to Max, gotten me friends (dare I say like you) and gotten me writing this blog. That half step has gotten me to last week for the first time in my life tell a vanilla friend I trust about my years of sessioning and my current "conundrum".<BR/><BR/>But the half step may complicate, cross boundries unfairly and ask too much. <BR/><BR/>Man ... I just did the freedictionary.com pronunciation of lagniappe ... what a gorgeous sounding word.<BR/><BR/>Troy, please know that I meant no disrespect to you or any other domme. I sincerely apologize if what I wrote caused anyone to feel disrespected. I have tremendous respect for you and many, many prodommes. As I have found in the brief time I have made your acquaintance you challenge, provoke thought and inspire reflection.<BR/><BR/>But I don't apologize for wanting a real emotional connection ... one in which mutual, thoughtful lagniappe is heartfelt and not primarily commerce based.<BR/><BR/>Thanks ma'am for your always incisive, not always easy to hear, unvarnished "youness". I'm honored.advochastyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10602192383025913039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1458862844610146892.post-91688322834623367952008-08-01T23:53:00.000-04:002008-08-01T23:53:00.000-04:00Dude. That's not high maintenance. That's just dis...Dude. <BR/><BR/>That's not high maintenance. That's just disrespectful. If that's really what you want, you need to be on Alt.com or something. If I spend time with a client non-Tributed, that's because it's MY choice, and at MY instigation. Not because he expects or even needs/wants/hopes for it. <BR/><BR/>Now, you KNOW my practice is essentially built on fostering that emotional connection and creating a relationship that has more dimension to it than the typical commercial session. Even so, my responsibility and obligation as a professional dominant, as I see it, is simply to provide a safe, sane, and consensual BDSM experience. As a professional, it also behooves me to advertise my services, respond to customers in a timely fashion, and schedule and keep appointments. Period. Anything else you get is lagniappe. <BR/><BR/>For the record, "If you really like me you'd .... " is one of the most insulting things you can say to a professional dominant. You don't expect a blow job from your Domme because she's not an escort. Why should you expect her to give you marriage counseling? This is my business. My time is the only commodity I really have. Please be respectful of it. <BR/><BR/>As for friendship: You know what I do with my friends? I call them up at 6pm and say, "Hey, let's meet for dinner at 7" --- and we do. I get on the phone with them and bitch about my mother, my acne, my period, my lover, and my job. I take call waiting. Cancel plans. Forget their birthdays. Go to yoga with them. Fall asleep on their couch. Shop for jeans, housewares, and mascara. I go on trips with them. I introduce them to my friends. I talk with them about things other than kink.<BR/><BR/>Can you do that? All of it?Miss Troy Orleanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06744279002943268275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1458862844610146892.post-65384247352648665682008-07-29T22:19:00.000-04:002008-07-29T22:19:00.000-04:00Hey Tara,I love the "middle school boyfriend" thin...Hey Tara,<BR/><BR/>I love the "middle school boyfriend" thing. The Max Board has felt like the positive high school experience I never had! I've joked with Aarkey about getting caught smoking in the girls bathroom! ;)<BR/><BR/>Your thought about a flat rate donation is a fine one and one I've actually discussed a time or two with a domme. I think again it's a matter of chemistry. Do we get along? Will I annoy her or will she find me charming? Will she feel "contractually obligated" or will she actually want to send me the emails and little gifts you talk about? <BR/><BR/>I'm no freeloader, believe me. And for a good domme, it's not about the money, the business part notwithstanding.<BR/><BR/>How do you decide when a periodic donation is appropriate as opposed to life on the meter?<BR/><BR/>The other odd thing I have going-on is I truly love having scene friends who are just friends. After years as just "client" it's sometimes nice to be "just friends". <BR/><BR/>But then there's that itch ...<BR/><BR/>BTW ... what do you think of the music Ms. young, hip San Francisco domme? Cool or desiccated boomer? Suggestions?advochastyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10602192383025913039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1458862844610146892.post-43303749090958970992008-07-28T00:02:00.000-04:002008-07-28T00:02:00.000-04:00Aarkey- You give great perspective here. I have to...Aarkey- You give great perspective here. <BR/><BR/>I have to say that as a Domme who truly enjoys spending time with my clients, as well as corresponding with them outside of session (one of my girl friends likes to joke about my collection of "middle school boyfriends" because of the frequency of some of the calls, emails, and little gifts back and forth between myself and them)- that the best most sustainable relationships I've built involve donations for that time.<BR/><BR/>Why don't you simply want to set up a situation in which you have a weekly or monthly donation/tribute sent to your domme in exchange for the energy and time she puts in to your relationship? I'd like to know- I think many clients may have similar situations...Ms. Tara Sterlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04643324707631089466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1458862844610146892.post-45206843991706315712008-07-22T22:11:00.000-04:002008-07-22T22:11:00.000-04:00Aarkey -Such a buzz kill ... ;). But of course, y...Aarkey -<BR/><BR/>Such a buzz kill ... ;). But of course, you are absolutely right. I can count on one hand and still have fingers left for the number of times I've even had lunch with clients.<BR/><BR/>It's a difficult conundrum. If I could content myself with life as Client Nine and a Half I'd have it made in the shade. I'm not whining mind you and I'm "enjoying" the process. But my inability to be either free and clear BF or good guy client is kinda frustrating. <BR/>I'm messin' with the laws of nature.advochastyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10602192383025913039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1458862844610146892.post-3520674827704174742008-07-22T08:45:00.000-04:002008-07-22T08:45:00.000-04:00I don't know that I'd say you are high maintenance...I don't know that I'd say you are high maintenance because of what you want. You are more like high volume. You've asked for a significant time and energy investment.<BR/><BR/>That doesn't mean it isn't out there, but as a professional who charges an hourly rate, how many of your clients do you go to dinner with? Enjoy a round of golf or a movie? Spend time chatting about good books?<BR/><BR/>I know it happens, I have some clients who over time became friends - but I don't know that expecting that to happen would lead to positive results. If interests mesh and we develop a friendship - great. But many of my clients are purely a working basis.<BR/><BR/>And I suspect it's the same for most hourly rate professionals.<BR/><BR/>I can understand not wanting to tribute for the "friend" time, but I don't know that your expectation is going to yield positive results on a consistent basis. <BR/><BR/>Sounds to me like you want a non-charged "GFE" but aren't able to be the "BF" half of that experience.Aarkeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16438372346424006691noreply@blogger.com