I'm All About The Cow Wow Wow

Ever since she left I'm just so needy and horny. I mean, every morning I was naked in her hotel room ... smelling her workout clothes she scattered on the floor for me as she showered. I'm sayin' I was eatin' dinner off the glass coffee table top on the floor at her feet as she spat it out just for me. I was walkin' behind her down the street ... her beige pencil skirt fittin' so right and so tight ... the black back seam on her beige stockings so straight and true ... me turnin' a beautiful blue. And now ... she's gone. What's a guy to do?

I'm all hot for vanilla sex.

WTF?

Where's that at? How'd I get from the most wonderful kink week of my life to being all hot and bothered for vanilla sex? I spent the weekend trying to scheme to get close to this way hot woman I've known for awhile. Artsy, foreign, sexy accent. We had drinks on Saturday night and I followed the advice of friends. Flattery will get you everywhere and don't be a creepster were my guiding principles. And it guided me to a late dinner by myself and an early night. I guess just because I want her doesn't mean she wants me.

And then today I was supposed to have coffee with a very flirty friend who I definitely harbor carnal design upon. And don't cha know ... she was sick. Sheesh ... this is difficult. Oh yeah, and there's the little thing about me being married and them knowing that ... and me being honest about that.

Besides ... it's been so embarassingly long I'm pretty sure I've forgotten what to do.

Ahhhhh ... I'm just butterflyin' about ... and everything starts to bend. I guess it's just a personality crisis that's bound to end.

Cheeseburger At The Little Gem Diner

What is a munch anyway? I'd heard about 'em. I even wrote that I was thinking of going to one. Really ... I had no clue. But, not to fear. Sir Viktor of DSF answers my burning question ...

"What is a munch? A munch is a low-pressure social gathering for people involved in or interested in BDSM. A munch is usually held in a restaurant."

Ahhh ... okay ... now we're talkin'. But not any old restaurant. The DSF munch is held in a diner. Indeed, it is venued at the famous, kink-friendly Moonstruck Diner on 23rd Street and Ninth Avenue in Manhattan. Little did I know that for years -- no decades -- the Moonstruck has been the place for kinksters to meet and greet and scarf down cheeseburgers, or in my case, a chicken caesar salad.

My dear friend Scarlett did a great Max board post entitled, "So how are you going to support the scene?" And so, heart thump-thumping like a little snare drum on meth, I suggested we meet up for the munch at the Moonstruck. Now, I gotta tell ya, I'm a little socially phobic at the best of times. All those second form dances in prep school with "Cherish" playin', everyone except me doin' the double clutch ... I go back to standing in the corner all lonely and miserable in a heartbeat. But in true submissive man style, I've been able to overcome my social fears with discipline and training so I'm actually asking this smart, hot, oh-so-nice, kick-ass domme to meet me at the Moonstruck.

And munch we did. Our host Viktor had this uncanny way of making everyone feel at home. It was such a fun, easy, mind-expanding way to meet other people who are into kink. Guy doms married to women dommes, submissive guys with dommy women talking about how to be in a bdsm relationship. I'm not real up on all the various nooks and crannies of the scene, but it was so nice and fun. I had a wonderful time.

Most left for Paddles. I stayed and chatted with three way cool dommes and a great sub-guy. Drinkin' decaf and savoring community in the face of the Salem-style witch hunt that has beset our city. And there I was -- out -- feeling normal-kinky, doing what I could to support our thing.

Yeah ... diner ... my shiny, shiny love - you're all I'm thinkin' of ...

Save The Last Dance

Cuckolding falls into a category of bdsm play that is both edgy and humiliating. The idea of a gorgeous dominant woman having intimate and very sexual play with another because her primary submissive doesn't measure up gets some guys very hot and bothered ... including me. It is however, a very delicate balance, no? Deep down, I want desperately to please her. I want to succeed. I want to be rewarded. But some of us sing the melody of damaged lemons. Some of us have had real, painful failures in life that we must somehow deal with and overcome. We sexualize them to make them pleasurable. We seek stylized re-enactment. We seek redemption from the ghouls that haunt the closet.

Humiliation in bdsm play can be very unfulfilling. Someone whose blog has been sadly self-quarantined in the wake of the "Big Chill" in New York City wrote very eloquently about how, for her, humiliation fell into two catagories. I know I'm getting this wrong, but she said something to the effect that humiliation play was either "situational" (dress him in frilly pink panties and tarty red lipstick and call him a "girl") or "personal" (you're such a sloppy, fatty). Understandably, neither was acceptable for her.

"Forced crossdressing" as humiliation presented misogynistic, anti-feminist themes and caused her to feel bad. I totally get that and view this sort of shame-on-you play as hamfisted, cookie cutterish and wrong-headed. On the other hand, she'd say, telling an otherwise fit, trim, slender submissive that he is a skinny, scrawny, limp-dicked, excuse for man was just plain demeaning and was similarly unacceptable. So for her, humiliation was not a menu item. In favor of mutual empowerment, she eschewed providing the flavorful, savory taste of artfully baked humble pie. She did however recognize the inherent mortification of a barehanded beatdown or a deviously engineered afternoon of predicament bondage.

For me, sophisticated humiliation play and cuckolding fantasies in particular let me create pleasure from life's deep disappointments. I am at once unworthy of my dominant's bed. But if I endure, I am given a chance at deliverance and salvation. Ultimately I seek release - both literally and euphemistically. By literally I mean ... well ... you know what I mean. Euphemistically, her reward is my redemption.

All this takes a large measure of connection and trust. It takes an on-going relationship and, in my opinion, can't be created on demand two hours from now at the dungeon. But in a way that years of therapy has not, humiliation play and cuckolding fantasies, done for the amusement and fun of a handful of great dommes, have let me be free of the sense that I have sometimes failed miserably in life. With them, I am reborn a hale, happy, healthy guy. For me, this is a big reason why prodommes totally rock!

So when at the kinky sock hop, my most important safety rule of humiliation/cuckolding play is that she save the last dance for me.

A Proverbial Ham Sandwich

Sol Wachtler, the former Chief Judge of the New York State Court of Appeals, who had his own little run in with the law, famously said that prosecutors had so much unfettered control over grand juries that they could indict a ham sandwich. Grand juries are supposed to act as a buffer between the power of the state and its citizens. They are supposed to review evidence fairly and impartially and decide whether there is probable cause to accuse someone of a felony crime and return an indictment. But in reality, prosecutors control virtually every aspect of proceedings before grand juries.

In the State of New York, grand juries are composed of at least 16 and no more than 23 people. It takes a vote of a majority of a quorum of the grand jury to return an indictment. An indictment is a formal accusation of a felony crime. Grand jurors sit in a room and listen to testimony. Prosecutors have witnesses come into the room, swear to tell the truth, and then ask them questions. A stenographer is present, but grand jury proceedings are secret. It is illegal for prosecutors, grand jurors or other employees such as clerks and stenographers to release information about grand jury testimony.

Prosecutors issue grand jury subpoenas to individual witnesses they wish to have come in to testify in front of grand juries. Sometimes, people refuse to testify on the grounds it might incriminate them. They "Take Five" or exercise their rights under the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Even innocent people can take the Fifth. It is not the haven of the guilty.

However, prosecutors may grant witnesses who invoke their rights under the Fifth Amendment immunity from prosecution and thereby attempt to force their testimony. Once immunity is granted someone whose grand jury testimony is sought may either testify or face contempt charges and jailing.

Even if someone receives immunity, if they lie to the grand jury they can be prosecuted for perjury. Here are some interesting excerpts from New York State's Criminal Procedure Law;

§ 50.10 Compulsion of evidence by offer of immunity; definitions of terms

The following definitions are applicable to this article:

1. “Immunity.” A person who has been a witness in a legal proceeding, and who cannot, except as otherwise provided in this subdivision, be convicted of any offense or subjected to any penalty or forfeiture for or on account of any transaction, matter or thing concerning which he gave evidence therein, possesses “immunity” from any such conviction, penalty or forfeiture. A person who possesses such immunity may nevertheless be convicted of perjury as a result of having given false testimony in such legal proceeding, and may be convicted of or adjudged in contempt as a result of having contumaciously refused to give evidence therein.

2. “Legal proceeding” means a proceeding in or before any court or grand jury, or before any body, agency or person authorized by law to conduct the same and to administer the oath or to cause it to be administered.

3. “Give evidence” means to testify or produce physical evidence.

§ 190.40 Grand jury; witnesses, compulsion of evidence and immunity

1. Every witness in a grand jury proceeding must give any evidence legally requested of him regardless of any protest or belief on his part that it may tend to incriminate him.

2. A witness who gives evidence in a grand jury proceeding receives immunity unless:

(a) He has effectively waived such immunity pursuant to section 190.45; or

(b) Such evidence is not responsive to any inquiry and is gratuitously given or volunteered by the witness with knowledge that it is not responsive.

So ... what to do if you get a grand jury subpoena? Get a lawyer. What if you think you might be in danger of being viewed as a potential witness in a criminal case? Get a lawyer.

What does this have to do with kink? Unlike many of the other recent arrests and raids, the Rapture bust involved the execution of a search warrant and the seizure of various records and other items of evidence. Promoting prostitution is a felony. In order for a felony to be charged in New York, a case must be presented to a grand jury. In addition, if the New York County District Attorney's Office wants to add more charges like money laundering or tax evasion, or charge more people, they'd present evidence to a grand jury. Prosecutors issue subpoenas and put witnesses in front of grand juries and ask 'em questions. Witnesses could be both dommes who worked at Rapture and clients who sessioned there.

Again, my usual admonition that nothing here is legal advice. Ya can't rely on any a this submissive guy nonsense. And dommes, don't use yer clients fer yer lawyers. Guys, make 'em find non-client counsel, would'ja!

This could all just blow over. But ... isn't it better to hope for the best and plan for the worst? After all, I like to picture y'all rollin' ... not bein' ham salad.