Last weekend I hosted She-Who-Visits and her friend who I'll call Swinger Girl in my Magic City condo. They were up from their idyllic island paradise for an intensive, off-island shop-a-thon. They arrived last Friday but alas, work kept me from preparing a proper welcome and I did not arrive until early Saturday morning. When I entered, I knew my place was not my own. Greeting me in the foyer was a pair of summer, strappy wedges. Hmmm...it's a sign. No shoes inside for the weekend. The visiting She is totally OCD about cleanliness. They had left early for one of the massive malls and a marathon of buying things that can't be found in Caribbean paradise.
Throughout the afternoon I re-organized so that I had servant's quarters in my little study nook as they had commandeered the bedroom. I laid out a nice little cheese and crackers spread for their return so we could nosh a bit before our dinner reservation in South Beach. Time passed. Shopping prevailed and they arrived back, glassy eyed and exhausted from their enforced version of super-mall sweep.
This was the very first time in the over five years I've known She that we'd had a guest. Swinger Girl was so incredibly nice and sweet. It was almost painful. I set out the hors d'oeuvres and was invited to sit at their feet by the sofa.
"Why don't you give her a foot massage", She ordered. "And tell him if he's doing it wrong because he's just not very good."
Swinger Girl was immediately appreciative and grateful for my sincere and hearfelt efforts.
"No, no, no!!", She laughed. "I've invested far too much time training him for you to be so nice and ruin it all!"
And so the weekend went. I waited on the them hand and foot. On Sunday I drove them to what seemed like nineteen different malls and a Walmart. I carried their packages to the car. I ferried them from J.C. Penny to Kohl's. I had a great time in the first real social interaction She and I have had together.
I used to be She's client. Now I am her dear friend and submissive on the side. I left them to go to work on Monday morning. Saying goodbye to her is much less painful as I know our relationship is a deep, long-lasting, lifetime current. When I got down to the car there was a $20 bill in the cup holder. Gas money? From She? Certainly one of the sweetest things she's ever done. Financial times are hard and I have upcoming medical expenses for the care of my dying wife. She really shouldn't have.
As luck would have it, Swinger Girl had one more internet shopping package that arrived that morning at my office. I jumped in the car and drove it home to the condo as they were not leaving until later that evening. When I got upstairs the two women were deep into packing their booty just so to look to island customs as though it was just their clothing from a seventeen week stay stateside.
"Was that gas money you left me?" I asked. "I should report you to the authorities that oversee your team. So sweet, but you are slipping, aren't you?"
She got a dark look and immediately grabbed my wallet out of my back suit pocket and took all my cash. I was horrified. I truly am a nitwit sometimes. My silly attempt at humor had deeply offended her. I should have thanked her profusely for her sweetness and yet my pride and shame at not being the earner that I once was, even though I know it's the economy, had gotten the best of me.
She made me beg and plead for my money back which I did with serious conviction. Eventually she relented. She took two five dollar bills and ripped the corners from them. She said we'd each keep one to remember this moment. I pecked her on the cheek. She grabbed me and hugged me and I was gone.
Later that night when I got home there was a note. She left me two more ten dollar bills and the torn five with the corner taped onto the note.
"Here's some more for something nice and a little more for an emergency."
And she signed it with a heart.
New perspectives and a future with a complex and dear friend to share it with in fleeting, borrowed, weekend bursts. Mean girls...they are so deliciously good.
