Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Fencing In The Rainbow

Our wonderful week together is over. It just seemed to rush by like so much out of control flood water. Her absence has always left a hole in my heart that I've tried to fill. These efforts have ranged from near disasterous to disappointing to an unfair press of others for an imagined connection in a misguided effort to replace her.

So this week I asked to be hers and she said yes. It was such a wonderful feeling ... she calmed and completed my stubornly searching submissive soul. She made me a happy man.

I know when the pain of separation subsides there will be a new sense of calm. I'm hers now. She bought me a collar. She's it's keeper and the key holder of my heart. Now, maybe I can go on and make new friends. Maybe even play a little without constantly trying to remake the experience into some nouveau her.

There's a great thread on Max about boundries and expectations. The thought is that our very personal and powerful interactions in play need to be managed - fenced in if you will - for fear of raising expectations. Now, don't get me wrong, I do my fair share of management and try to be realistic about how far my relationship with her can go. But we deal with raw emotion in the dungeon, during intense playtime or during an intimate shared moment. Management is laudable - but in the end - illusory. At least it is for me.

Today, I hurt. Today I just want to be with her always. Today ... I just wanna tear down the fences. Because sometimes ... sometimes dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

1 comment:

Maitresse S said...

I'm sorry that you hurt. I know what hurt in this arena feels like and I too am experiencing this hurt too. I hope it gets better and if you need an ear to listen remember you have a friend in me. :)