We want to belong to her. We long to belong to her. She will take us and hurt us and heal us. And we will love her for it. It's all heat, confusion, and exquiste romance. In a year of unimagined loss I've gained so much. Pain and fear. Hope and trust. They rock me on the water of a new life that surprises me with each new twist and turn.
My wife is dying a slow death before my eyes. It is the best of it now for it will surely only get worse. But we are closer than we've ever been. Save for who I am deep in my hidden heart.
She-Who-Visits is in touch alot. But even as she plans a trip to see her family in New York, there is no mention of time for me. She knows my hidden heart so well for it has been hers. Some part of my soul will always be bound to her. But it's been a year since I've seen her and all the trust in the world doesn't replace need.
I met someone on a date that I like. In overheated letters we talk of corsets, canes and chains. We've gone from zero to off a cliff in the blink of a lust filled eye. But we've only spent a couple of hours together and the realtime lags far behind the ethernet. I reach to connect as knots to the past give way to just trying to be present and honest and as real as I can.
But despite all the promise; confusion and pain just make me want to get lost on a border road by a barbed wire fence. Just be on my own and by myself.
A Munch Guide
4 months ago