Friday, June 22, 2012

Some Quality Trouble

I feel like I used to when I ran competitively and pretty much would sprint flat out the 3.5 mile silly corporate challenge races in Central Park. The aerobic became the anaerobic and with no real breathing capacity my muscles would just carry me by some out of body masochistic determination to finish. Such is life when moving back in with a woman who just two years ago I decided I did not want to live with anymore.

But things change and while I'm not really going back to my marriage, I am looking forward to spending time with someone I love dearly and who truly needs me. I hate giving up my mancave and unwittingly may have already spent my last night there earlier this week. But like practically everyone, financial realities don't allow me to carry four homes. Jeez, realistically, there are income cycles where I'm lucky to hold one down. So a big part of the move is confronting the money thing and shuffling slowly to some sort of semblance of a practical, prudent, and pragmatic care about the pecuniary.

Ho hum.

But life could be so much worse. We'll live in a really great place. There's a little terrace where I can smoke my cigars. I get my morning river run and there's a killer view. But I won't be dating and alone time will no longer be just a quick cab ride away. It is a loss and a sacrifice, but worth it to be able to care for my terminally ill wife.

To look at her last night at the concert we went to you'd never know she was so sick. She was happily enthralled with Mavis Staples and Bonnie Raitt. And I thought that if Bonnie can look so hot and sexy at 62 then I can too. I don't need to feel that life is over - just a new chapter to begin.

Bonnie gave good patter between songs last night. She introduced one number by telling us that there was a time in her life when she was looking for some quality trouble and that she found him. So just because I'm giving up my single life for that of a caretaker, doesn't mean that I can't keep my eye out for some quality trouble.

You just can't make your heart feel something it won't.