Saturday, August 22, 2009
Anyway, I was supposed to pick Crimson up at LaGuardia but her plane was rain delayed and I didn't get to see her until Friday morning. She was staying in a nice East Side hotel that has a great rep, but she said was a bit of a dowager. She had invited me to have breakfast. She also offered to let me do her ironing for her. I mean what's a poor, out-of-town girl to do? Maidless, she was faced with the unimaginable prospect of doing her own ironing. Out of the question. She told me it had been years since she touched an ironing board, to say nothing of spray starch.
So, with She's permission, I agreed to help a girl out. I wrote about ironing in a post last year entitled "Kink In A Christmas Table Cloth". This was the A-side of the record. It was way fun. I ironed in my suit. Well, I did take my jacket off. But she was lying on the bed, her corset was hanging in the closet, and I got to iron a number of silky little nothings, including the pretty summer dress she wore the next day to our oh-so-organic, tofutti, Saturday morning brunch in the East Village.
My friend Crimson is so hot. She's now a strawberry blonde and despite a grueling work schedule, she was looking very Joan Holloway curvy. I love that we are friends. She's really been a key person in my feeling great about being a submissive man. I told her I had some pictures to show her. She sort of froze and asked if they were going to ruin her breakfast. I told her I hoped not. Well, she allowed, often the pictures guys showed her were not best viewed before eggs, or in her case some weird but healthy vegan concoction.
I told her the pictures were chronological. The second was more dramatic than the first and the first might rob the second of some its impact. I suggested she view the later picture first. She braced bravely. I handed her the framed photo. It was me at twenty five. She brightened, visibly relieved.
"Oh ... oh i definitely would have hit on you", she laughed.
I sit in an old, damask upolstered, Victorian chair; one leg crossed at the ankle over the knee of the other. I wear a pair of tight roll legged jeans; a loose river driver shirt, open at the neck; black high top Chucks; and a very goofy grin. In my lap is a gallon of ice cream. With hair tied back from my shoulders, a scruffy goatee, and spoon in hand; I attack my sweet quarry. A seventies hipster, alt-rockeresque vision of a dude in need of a bath.
We had a great time talking, laughing and conspiring. She might move here. I really hope she does. I love Crimson. I have a real scene friend.
As we hugged goodbye the next day, she said she'd always want to see me when she came to town. She told me I was delightful. Fancy that, a hot domme thinks I'm delightful. Well, she's delight-fuller.
Here's some Joan for ya Crimson, I miss ya girl.
Friday, August 21, 2009
I had watched her dive, gone for minutes at a time.
Then, to the surface she rose with her treasures.
She dragged them all back to her island paradise.
And made this.
This morning I sent her the old familiar tougue twister:
She sells seashells by the seashore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.
I inquired, "Hey, lady! Wanna sell me some shells??"
She replied simply, "My shells are not for sale."
I thought that was just one of the most insightful observations I've ever read on a submissive man's committment to a dominant woman. He seemed to have such a well-grounded outlook about his own relationship. It was particularly on target for me since in my last post I was moaning about all the stuff that She had me doing for her. Whiney little subbie was all bent outta shape because he was hauling a few blouses down to Florida. Poor, put upon advo.
So it can happen. You do have to really want it though, and be willing to see the Lady as more than just fantasy fulfillment. In the immortal words of Delbert McClinton:
"The upkeep on a woman like that will give an old poor boy the blues."
I don't mean financially, just that being a prodomme requires a certain degree of (being honest) self-centeredness that requires both good personal boundaries and true joy in service. We don't love them because they're low-maintenance, after all!
But Etienne really brought into sharp relief for me what seemed to be an essential truth about She and perhaps about dominant women in general. Enthrallingly or annoyingly they are in varying degrees kinda self-centered. They believe we are here to serve them. We crave that service. But day-in-day-out if the attitude that you deserve service is not just a role, but a personality trait, it does, as Etienne observed, require a dollop of self centeredness on the domme's part.
And upon reflection, I truly wouldn't have it any other way. So this week I surrendered to service. I made lists of all the stuff that had arrived from She's shop fest. Printed order forms and tracking numbers and lists. I updated her on progress. I went out to a local discount emporium, "where educated consumers are their best customers" and bought a fine, ballistic cloth, roller bag the size of a steamer trunk for a fraction of its retail price. No dumb shopper, I! And I packed it to the gills.
And as I haul this montrosity from Manhattan to Florida I'll cherish that she chose me to serve her.
After all, I didn't choose her because she's low maintenance. I'm still...willin'. As long as the damn thing fits into the rental Mustang.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Since the second time I sessioned with She-Who-Visits, I've known about her significant other. In point of fact, She is indeed married. In part, it was quirks of fate that brought us together at the start and have made us close over time. When we met, She was planning her marriage and I was planning my new business. We shared adventure. If She had been single, it's likely our connection would have fizzled. Ties bound us to our partners and made it safer to become attached to each other. She knew she was leaving New York, a fact I learned about three months after I first met her and about two months before she left. I figure she thought she could take emotional risks with me at that point because we would likely not see each other again after she left. Little did she know ...
I haven't thought before why I never talked about Mr. She. I didn't talk about him too much because I really didn't want to tell the world she was married. I fretted that maybe it would damage her prodomme business. There are, I am sure, clients who may prefer to believe the perfect dominant they see is single. She pretty much has retired now and if she ever comes back to NYC to session it'll be with her regulars who know her and love her. So I don't really have the same concerns regarding rumination about Mr. She.
So, from the very beginning I've known about Mr. She. I actually know quite a bit about him though he and I will likely never meet. She really goes out of her way to keep her playmates away from her husband and her husband away from her playmates. He knows about me. He knows about her exploits. They met on Alt.com. He's lifestyle but according to She he has never played with prodommes. She's made me promise not to put things up on the blog that could be hurtful to him if he somehow discovered it.
I used to be terribly and voraciously jealous of Mr. She. For a long time I thought he'd stolen my perfect mate. He only knew her about a year before I met her. It seemed so horribly unfair. She and I got on so well. Despite a signficant but not insurmountable age gap we have a wonderful chemistry. Why did he have to ruin it all? I pined for marital discord.
But one of the things I love about her is that She is fiercely protective of her marriage. She goes the total extra mile, despite her strong feelings for me, to insure Mr. She is never hurt. She says he plays occassionally, with her blessing, with old domme friends. What's good for the goose and all. But please, I'd muse, I could do that way better than he does if She'd just give me the chance.
From what I can gather, pay-to-play and She's prodomming were always fair game and something Mr. She easily agreed She could do. For She, this was crucial. Other long term boyfriends and fiancees had forbade her trade and she gave them the heave ho. But Mr. She could deal. I'd say to myself, "Well, I could deal much better. Hell, I shilled for her on Max! What more can ya ask?" As long as she was collecting tribute, no boundries were blurred.
However, personal play and where to draw the line has always, according to She, been the more difficult issue. When we're together She and I talk about this stuff. She tells me her marital issues and I burden her with mine. That's what friends do. I won't go into them here, but she has them. Nothing that is causing the friction I once longed for, but early issues nonetheless.
Oh, my friend of the Mahwah Kiss? Remember her? She's back! Couldn't stand it west of the Hudson. Anyway, she calls my relationship with She a "friend with specific benefits" thing. Cute from a clueless vanilla girl, no?
Anyway, I've learned alot about Mr. She from other sources too. Not to sound all stalkerish, but two years ago, when She was giving me the silent treatment for four months, I actually fortuitously discovered Mr. She's vanilla blog. I wasn't really trying to find it and there it was.
His blog horrified me, eviscerated me, and facinated me for months. Lots of the events she'd told me about, places she'd described, and things she'd said they did together were either written about or depicted in photos. Wedding photos, vacation photos, travel photos, wedding photos, New York photos, wedding photos, wedding photos, wedding photos. I checked daily for updates for months. I was a compulsively addicted Mr. She blog reader. True masochism writ large. Or blogged large, at least.
Between you, me and a fucking lampost he's a terrible writer. I'm sorry if this sounds arrogant and mean, but he commits the original sin. He's boring.
She thinks he's an excellent writer, but claims never to read him. Yah, okay in a technical sense he's an okay writer. He does write in sentences and is not grammatically challenged. Me, my grammar ain't pretty but I can sometimes turn a phrase. Trust me, you'd yawn big time if you read Mr. She. Watch, they'll both read this and She will never speak to me again. I so live on the edge, don't I?
While I'm at it? Mr. & Mrs. She think their dog is the cutest dog in the world. He's not. I've met him. He's ugly and actually kinda mean. I'm the world's most dog friendly subbie and their dog is a vicious, ferocious, Pekingese monster.
So anyway ... I've had this, "you're-no-me" attitude about Mr. She for a long time. Up until about February of this year. Then I started to really like and totally admire Mr. She. See, I love She-Who-Visits with all my heart. But lemmee tell ya. She is one high maintenance chick. And he is the one who lives with her everyday. Day in and day out. I think he must just be a grand fellow. I'm so happy he can be there for her. And I gotta tell ya. As much as I love her, I'm relieved I'm not married to her.
She has me in on-my-honor chastity until we meet in Florida in two weeks. Meanwhile, She's doing this internet supermarket sweepstakes shop fest - ordering things, which she is paying for, but I am hauling to her. Protein shakes, perfume, frisbees, shoes, underwear, skirts, gathered tops, bandeau tops, shirred tops. I have a transfile in my office full of all her crap. How am I getting this stuff to Florida? Pony express??
Then, I've gotta bring the stuff she wants to return back with me and return it. Okay, okay. She saves on international shipping and duty. I'm her devoted servant, willing to do anything for my goddess. But talk about high maintenance. Sheesh ...
She wrote and said at least this time, I know she's coming because she wants all her goodies. Hmmmm...what about I throw a nice tag sale on Broadway?
No, as much as I thought She is the love of my life, She is Mr. She's wife and I love Mr. She for loving her. He is one of me. A submissive man who deeply loves his dominant. He deals with her demons everyday.
I'm the goomah. It's good to be the goomah.
So here's to Mr. She. Even if he is kind of a boring writer, he's a wonderful guy who deeply loves his wife - a dear, dear friend of mine. I suppose even their dog is alright - if you like little hairy frou-frou things. Hey, who said life isn't complicated?
He's washin' dishes, baby clothes, he's so ambitious, he even sews. I think it's cheaper, you should keep her and we'll both make whoopie.
Friday, August 7, 2009
My friend knows my wife. I had told her before our "date" that we were probably separating but when I began to talk about it she was just devastated. What a classic move on my part, no? Tell the alluring young artist you're the sensitive, well-meaning sex starved victim of a dying marriage and hope for mercy nookie. Sometimes I'm just a middle-aged cliche.
But my wife and I were somehow my friend's paradigm of perfection. Go figure. She became visibly upset when I began to tell her my version of the maritial meltdown. My wife on the other hand has snidely suggested that among my controversial women friends, this one was most likely to be a tie-me-up-tie-me-down kinda girl. Hmmmm...let's see.
So I described our precarious fisc as a contributing factor to our discord and confessed that sex had been a long term problem. I told my very hot Russian artiste and pretend paramour that although I had provided my wife, prior to the "I do" thing, with full knowledge and notice that I was as kinky as a very cheap garden hose, she and I had become enemy combatants over this issue. My friend laughed appreciately at my plagiarized, on-the-money descripition of my sexuality. Thanks, Elihu!
But as I gave a highly edited history of "client nineness" it became absolutely clear that the woman I've lusted after for sometime, written about in posts , and had all to myself for a gorgeous mid-summer sunset had no clue whatsoever about what makes me tick. Explaining bdsm to attractive, clueless women is a total downer. It's just complete social saltpeter. My horniness quotient, which was pretty high, went from a 9.5 to less than zero.
I guess I just needs me a domme.
But last night it was nice to own. I was remembering when I was single and would tell a girl I was into that I liked lingerie and maybe a little restraint? I would hope against hope for a positive response. These days, if a woman demonstrates no appreciation for the Scene, kink in general or isn't intensely curious about the whole deal my attitude is ... next. It's not that I won't be friends. I really like the Russian artist hottie. But I'm a submissive and I'm proud of it. I'm not looking for crumbs. I want me some cake, baby. With your permission only, of course!
Guess I'll just have to date kinky. Do I wanna touch?
And Yo, HMP, insteada that Joan song, how 'bout ... Joanie does Iggy - from me to you!