She's visiting again ... the domme I love. It's so wonderful and intense. There's something about her physical presence in my life that provides a natural anchor to my submissive sexuality. So many of my "shortcomings" in my relationships with vanilla, non-dominant women are explainable when I'm with her. We just seem to fit and the natural order of things seems so clear. My penchant for service is appreciated, encouraged and sometimes rewarded. My lifelong reticence to "put the moves on" is actually an asset. She's the dominant and makes the first move because that's what she likes to do. Being with her is proof positive that I'm a submissive, kinky guy. I'm proud of that in a way I've never been prouder before.
But I have to say goodbye to her. It just breaks my heart in a million pieces and I feel so lost. No anchor to hold me, appreciate me and encourage me. Our connection is strong but I never know when I'm going to see her again. I bargain with my pain ... we'll plan our next romantic liason. Maybe she'll move back to the States next year. Maybe I'll figure a way to be more consistently close to her.
I try to live in the now and be with her up to the last minute. To revel in our being truly together and not let the pain interfere. It's hard but I'm getting better at it. I know we'll have that one more cup of coffee I fetch her before she goes ...
A Munch Guide
4 months ago