Just Like The Old Man In That Book By Nabokov

The wife is away for ten days or so and I am off the leash. Yesterday was a beautiful, sunny day with a hint of fall in the soft September air. I've found over the years that back-to-school weather always excites the perv in me. Or maybe it's just Day Twenty of on-my-honor chastity that has me itching for a little of the old kinky slap and tickle. At any rate, loose in the dog run of life that is autumn in New York, I decided to make a trip to Purple Passion, a venerable Manhattan bdsm/fetish store.

I've been to PP a few times but yesterday just seemed so natural and fun. Like going to Whole Foods to see if they have the Louisiana-made chicory coffee I drink sometimes. It was a treat. Some years back on the rare occassion I went into a sex store, I used to feel like I was unshowered, wearing a stained raincoat over my dirty, naked body and aching to shout in a gnawing declaration of guilt - I'm a demented pervert. Yesterday I was a demented pervert and very proud of it, thank you very much.

I had a virtual laundry list of kinky nick nacks to acquire. I was after solid rings for my CB-3000, the new Birdlocked chastity device, some kind of CBT toy with teeth, a prostate massager, a cock whip, and some nipple clamps. Don't imagine She-Who-Visits might think I'm topping from the bottom now, do we? While she's been much more connected these days, she's understandably not kinky cataloguing just for me. Like a greedy little schoolboy in a sneaker store, I'm doing depraved wish listing all on my lonesome.

So anyway, I arrived at the store and cheerily asked the young guy at the register whether they had solid ring sets for the CB-3000. No stuff for the CB series at all, he responded. Maybe a shipment next week. What, there's been a run on chastity supplies? Maybe every other twisted money shot denial fiend in the city is locking up in honor of the start of classes. Let's see, pencils...check; notebooks...check; chastity device...check.

Well, do you have the Birdlocked, I asked hopefully? A quizzical, stumped look came over the guy's face and he confessed he had no clue what I was talking about. This totally floored me. Since when have I become more knowledgeable than venerable fetish store employees about chastity devices? We proceeded to have a perfectly nice chat about the features of the Birdlocked, on-line reviews of the thing, and his promise to check it all out.

Finally, I said I was looking for something in a nice cock whip. He showed me their "impact play" collection. Nice, but all were serious, full-sized, flat-out floggers. Save for one little wimpy, floppy, rubbery thing. Doesn't really inspire attention to teacher, now does it? But suddenly, he brightened and blurted, "Wait, I got it!". He rushed up to the register and pulled out a minature cane from an obscured countertop storage cannister. A snappy, turned black rubber handle gave way to a pretty, perky, blonde wood shaft. It had style, heft, and was about a foot long. I smacked my erect index finger with it a few times.

Now this has some serious potential.

And for $3.58 it was a fetish recessionary, blue-light, K-Mart special score. Sold American! After paying, I went outside on the street, publicly brandished my newfound toy and took a BlackBerry picture of it. I immediately emailed it to She to share my frugal find. So far, no responding comment. Oh well, what's an enterprising independant study oriented student to do?

And so, as fall inspires me to be true to my rock-'n-roll high school, I'm thinking that while I don't need no education and I don't need no thought control; this back to school feeling of hope and potential connects me to the universal human condition that we all just want to be happy, have friends, and suck up to teacher - especially if she's hot. Hey, in the process I might just learn something new!