Sunday, April 11, 2010

Baby Steps or One Giant Leap?

So maybe I've found an apartment. West Villagey-Chelsea-ish; cool first floor, one bedroom loft with my very own little outdoor patio. In an only in New York real estate sort of deal, despite the fact that I'd only be signing a one year lease, I have to get passed by the coop board. So I've spent the weekend compiling every last little bit of financial flailing and ghost writing personal recommendations. And tomorrow I hear about my examination exertion. Nothing like the judgment of others that will have a dramatic affect on what my life will look like over the next year.

I saw the apartment this past Tuesday evening and made an offer by text from the street five minutes after leaving. I went back on Thursday and wandered down the street, only to discover that there's a lingerie store on the block. I took a picture of the sign and emailed it to She.

I also emailed the link to the apartment listing to Ms. Mahwah Kiss. She emailed back that she'd come over and hang with me on the patio and grow basil. We'd had brunch last Sunday. Ms. Kiss had wickedly waved a pair of rubber, medical gloves at me when I picked her up in her Tribeca loft. I told her later that I'd wondered if she had a clue how purely erotic those gloves are for me. She said she figured it might make an impression. Later in the week Ms. Mahwah teased me by saying she'd bought a pair of leopard platforms and every guy in the store couldn't take their eyes off her feet. Tell me about it.

So when she offered to grow basil on my new patio, I emailed back that basil grows best when tended wearing rubber surgical gloves and leopard platforms.

I forgot to delete these emails from my Crackberry. Uh-oh...

And of course, on Friday night the wife and I had a rare, nasty, fight. We've been much more friendly recently, but this fight was bad enough that I fled the apartment to give us a much needed timeout. Didn't take the Blackberry. When I got back my wife demanded snarlingly if She-Who-Visits was "my whore" and she hoped that Ms. Kiss and I had lots of fun tending basil with her wearing rubber gloves and leopard print platforms.

Need I share that the wife had breeched the BB and emailed herself my emails.

So I did something I've never done before. I told her a bit of the truth about my kink life and have actually lived to write about it here. Mind you, I'll wake up dead if she ever finds this blog. But I told her I'd met She at a conference and we'd become very dear friends. I told her that She is in a kinky relationship with her husband and that she had helped me to feel better about who I really am. Without giving names or identifying information, I told her I had made real friends with guys who were kinky too. And I think she believes for the first time that Ms. Kiss and I are really just good friends.

And you know what? I think my wife had a bit of an epiphany. A modicum of an appreciation for what I've gone through and how much progress I've made in feeling good about myself. It's not going to save my marriage, but I think it made us better friends. Now who knows what will happen the next time she loses it, but for now I'm glad that one of my deepest secrets, my relationship with She, is revealed in a bit of its truth to my wife.

Now...about the basil. I have it on good authority that tending it in black, retro-lingerie while wearing rubber surgical gloves and leopard platforms makes the spice particularly pungent.

Or maybe something in a nice dommy cheerleader's outfit would make it zesty, peppery and piquant?


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Wow! I have had the experience of my wife opening up my e-mail and finding things I didn't want her to find. I can certainly identify there. It led to nothing short of a massive explosion but eventually everything turned out for the best. I was very fortunate. It was no fun at the time though. That is putting it mildly!

Is it evidence of my deranged mind that when I first read your post I thought I read; "She emailed back that she'd come over and hang me from the patio and grow basil?" :-p

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Almost forgot. One more time. Good luck on the exam! ;-)

advochasty said...

Thanks for the luck, but I'll need one more wish. My glass is half full. Passed the state day, billed as the harder of the two. Need to take the national day over. Failure is not a word in my vocab.

End of July here I come. Sadness and shame will morph into resolve and I'll kick the test's ass this summer. Thanks for dropping by!

Aarkey said...

I'm not sure about how all of that affects basil growth - but I do think that we should commission a study on it ;)

And I'm glad you were able to air more of it all out with the wife. It's liberating to have it "on the table" isn't it?

advochasty said...

It's very liberating. It's all I'd really tell anyone, so unless you count all the gory details, I've pretty much put it all out there.

Whizzer said...


I just saw your note here about the Bar results. I'd been waiting all week thinking it would be part of a new blog post.

Congratulations. No doubt you are correct - the State stuff is always supposed to be more difficult. You'll nail the multi-state in July, absolutely! Go get'em.

After all you've got great incentive!!!


advochasty said...


Thanks! You know the deal. I work hard on seeing the glass half full.

This time with only MultiState it will be more manageable!

It will get done!