Sunday, December 11, 2011

Mr. Brightside

I know I've been neglecting the blog. I've never gone this long without posting. Work and life conspired to keep me away from writing. I've had plenty to write about, believe me; but for some reason time and inspiration didn't allow me or move me.

Anyway, She-Who-Visits and I have become friendly again. I secretly think her emotional life is on a Persephoneous cycle with the holidays bringing out her most nostalgic and mushy side. It has been nice to talk to her over the past few days. Despite all the odds against it, our connection is an enduring one.

I had an incredible road trip with my wife in early November. We were supposed to catch the Amtrak Autotrain but missed it and ended up driving all the way from Manhattan to Miami. The trip's purpose was to get a car to Miami; where I now actually have work.

What made the trip amazing was that she'd taken two nasty falls about ten days before we left. Balance related problems from her death sentence disease. She'd broken bones but was determined that we do the trip together. I did my best impression of Jack Kerouac as duty nurse. She joked that my kink related need to serve has come in handy during her time of terrible need.

We had the best of Indian summer weather. The first night we stopped in Richmond, Va. and had a romantic dinner in a wonderful little restaurant tucked down a cobblestone street. A hip Manhattan transplant was our foodie waitress. It was an evening I'll always remember.

The handicapped room at the Hampton Inn was set up with all the bars and benches and shower acoutrements so that with my help she could do all the things I just take for granted. The hotel staff called ahead to the Savannah, Georgia Hampton Inn and we booked our next night.

On I-95 in the driving groove I did Vin Diesel meets geeky, subbie, lawyer dude. I'd never taken my little Bimmer 3 series convertible on a proper road trip. The Germans don't call it the Ultimate Driving Machine for nothing.

It was exhausting though and about an hour from Savannah we were ravenous. I spotted a big billboard telling us that Duke's Barbeque let you eat all you wanted. Minutes later we were gorging ourselves for $10 each on the best roadside South Carolina heartattack food you ever want to eat. The hash, a mix of left overs and gravy, was true religion.

Two meals to remember when the woman I've been to hell and back with is gone.

We made Miami and then departed a few days later. I was very worried about the flight as we'd been seated across the plane from each other and she really couldn't get around without my help. At curbside we asked for a wheelchair and became instant royalty. No lines, nice security people and airline attendants fawning over our every move. I told her I was never flying without her.

She's now recovered from her falls but the disease continues its merciless attack. It is a year since her diagnosis and while this strain of ALS moves slowly; she is much worse this year than last. Though she's in a promising clinical trial, barring an unexpected medical breakthrough or a miracle her life will continue to contract and wither. But in the most bittersweet of ironies we are now closer than we've been in years; bound together in dedicated need until death do us part.

However, my life goes on. I'm in Miami attending to actual work rather than eating lunches with strangers and asking them to give me work. I'm dating a domme in NYC. Sounds so a domme. We are going very slowly. But I harbor a dirty, perverted, filthy, secret desire. I want to make out with her and get to first base. That's feeling her tit over the bra, right?

This morning I was invited to yoga with Aarkey and his wife but I bagged the Bikram in favor of a lazy Sunday. I didn't run, I didn't go to the gym, I didn't hunker down over a ream of documents for a case. I didn't have to help my wife bath or hang up her sweaters because she can't get her arms above her waist or watch her walk haltingly across the room; bent like a pretzel because the muscles in her diaphram are being destroyed. I didn't have to do any of that.

I just wrote in my blog, because I'm Mr. Brightside.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hey there stranger! Great to see you back in the blogosphere! :-)

That was a truly beautiful post. Full of hope and an almost heroic level of cheerful acceptance about living life on life's terms. Two quotes in particular stood out for me:

"In the most bittersweet of ironies we are now closer than we've been in years; bound together in dedicated need until death do us part."


"She joked that my kink related need to serve has come in handy during her time of terrible need."

There is a lot of beauty, sadness and poignant irony to be found there. Sometimes the people we love most are only truly revealed to us in our time of greatest turmoil and stress. Marriage, the bonding of two souls into one, is about a lot more than sex. In retrospect things that seemed so important to us at the time turn out to be a comparatively small piece of the puzzle.

Thanks for sharing. It was beautiful and inspirational to read. Good luck with everything my friend.

advochasty said...


Nice to be back! It is beautiful sadness. When I'm in it, I'm just there. It's getting away that gives me a perspective on the horror. There's a long road ahead and I've got to have an eye on pace. Don't want to burn out.

Domme dating helps!

Writing helps.

Thanks for dropping by!

Whizzer said...

Good report. A long time ago we talked about service to your wife. Terrible circumstances. I realize there is nothing kinky about what you are doing for her. In many ways that makes it even more special. Needless to say she is most fortunate to have someone like you standing by her. And kudos on all the other good stuff you're doing.

Be well.


Miss Margo said...

Hi there--I am new to your blog; I just read your comment on Mistress Alex's blog and decided to check you out.

I appreciate that you wrote this post. I don't know anyone with ALS, but after reading Tony Jundt's essays about living with it in The NY Review of Books, I became aware of its presence in so many lives all around me. Your blog post helps me understand and appreciate something very important that I didn't know anything about a just a year ago.

I don't know you and haven't read most of your blog, so I cannot comment on a more personal level at this time. Suffice it to say that I found this blog post very touching, and I wish you and your wife all the best in these trying times.

I will read more.

Miss Margo

advochasty said...

Whizzer -

Thanks for the kind words. She and I were talking the other day about how her disease has allowed some to find wonderful parts of their character to share with her. I feel a terrible tragic honor in the process. Words sort of fail.

Margo -

Thank you so much for dropping by. I've been so busy I haven't been keeping up with my writing. Should I be punished? ;-)

ALS is such a terrible disease. Inexorable, voracious, and merciless. She grieves each little piece of her body and life that slowly withers away and leaves.

Thanks for the very sweet words of support. Hey, I checked out your blog too. I really like it. Don't be a stranger and I'll check you out some more too!!

Aarkey said...

Hey! When did you sneak this update in here. Hrmpf!

Miss ya already amigo, and it'll be good to see ya again whenever you do make it down.

FYI - in my handbook, first base with Domme is when she pinches your nipples hard enough to make your knees buckle.

advochasty said...

Aarkey -

I want a copy of your handbook!

I feel a distinct need to market my business intensively in January, February, and March. This has absolutely nothing to do with the weather in New York. It is simply good business. ;-)

See you soon!!

Miss Margo said...

Hello, Advo;

ALS is fucking terrifying and the first time I researched it online, I almost wet my pants. JESUS!

At my last University, one of my favorite professors--a young guy!--had MS. He looked totally healthy, and one day in class, he lost his balance for a moment and had to steady himself on a desk. "Sorry about that. I have MS," he said.

I went home and looked up MS online. !!!! I could not believe that such an awful thing existed, and that I did not know about it till then!

As a lay person, I don't know how to help fight against MS or ALS, or how to aid and comfort those that are afflicted with it. I do the Walk MS every year because it's all I can think of to help my excellent professor. I don't know if that really helps. Is there anything I can do for people that have ALS? I don't have much money yet, alas, but if I can help in some other way, I will.

advochasty said...

Margo -

I don't really know all the stuff people are doing to try to support a cure or assist those afflicted in a broader sense. All I see is the tree of my wife's situation. I don't know the forest. Looks like there's a bike marathon and there are treatment centers at Beth Isreal and Columbia Pres. I'm sure both of those institutions can give you info on where you could volunteer.

However, I've been reading your blog. You are a wonderful writer who weaves evocative images of a facinating life. However, IMO there is such a thing as taking on too much. A person can spread themselves too thin.

Just sayin'...

Miss Margo said...

Dear Advo;

Thanks so much for your compliments regarding my blog; they are really some of the best I have ever received.

You are right re: taking on too much, especially at this precarious point in my grad studies and sobriety. It's just that I am very sensitive to human suffering (REAL suffering, not bedroom antics!). Suffering is a part of life, but a lot of it is unnecessary in this day and age, and if it can be ameliorated, it is intolerable to me and my impulse is to FIX IT. I have always been this way.

TY for your suggestions and imput. I value feedback.

My kindest regards to you and your wife this holiday season.