Thursday, July 4, 2013

The Magic of A Melancholy Tear

Okay, I've been away from the blog. Endless loop of work, care, sleep, and again. Time is such a precious commodity. However, I realize the more I make the effort to try to get some "me" time; the better I feel and the better I am at giving care. I'm going to write again. And I'm trying to find a kinky friend with benefits. Thought about seeing a pro domme. It would be a perfect solution. But while business is better, health care costs for my wife are rising. I've got insurance but it doesn't cover the constant home care she needs. Plus, we are renovating in the country so she can still get in. Ramps, lifts, and a big shower for a bathroom. Actually, the bathroom is kind of kinky. Watersport anyone? When it's done it will double as a playroom someday! But, the wonder of the pro domme option is out.

I can't really date. Recently, I had a text thing with a friend over an interaction I'd had on my on-line date site. I'd made a nice contact with an age appropriate, interesting, fun sounding, domme. Life got in my way for less than 36 hours and I didn't get back to our chat. On line chat. We had not even met. I checked in and she'd written me a dismissive message that I'd forgotten her already. She seemed upset. Well...she'd not be able to handle me and even though I apologized, she thankfully has not forgiven me. Anyway, my friend says "if you're a client too many emails you're a wanker; if you're a suitor not enough email and you are neglectful." I replied I'm neither suitor nor client. I'm an oddity. She promptly called me Oddity and asked me out to do something or another, but I was, of course, busy. Story of my life.

I'm not asking much. Couple meet ups a month for a couple hours each. Be my key holder, euphemistically speaking, as I'm an on my honor guy. Denial, denial, denial and some tease. Humiliate me with dignity and witty sophistication. I don't have much time for the friend part so love the benefits you supply? I'm sure I'll have extremely attractive, intelligent, available women lined up around the block. But I feel better trying.

So here it is, the Fourth of July. I'm writing again. And it feels good. If I ever figure out how to embed the Tom Waits video I'll add it, but for now I'm putting up the post. Sheesh. I leave for a few months and everything changes...


Miss Margo said...

ooComforting (for this reader, at least) to see you checking in, Advo.

FWIW, I am somewhat impressed (if that's the right word) that you still have a libido and the will to continue The Search at this time. The last time I was coping with significant emotional, ahh, distress (math bomb), I didn't get off for months. Even the thought made me shudder.

I realize, of course, that the circumstances of our distress were/are not comparable.

Best of luck with your work, the construction of your bathroom, and, most importantly, your wife. I wish I could offer something more comforting.

Happy Independence Day!

At least we are both independent from booze today. I really do admire you for that. Your sobriety is a tremendous achievement and I hope hope hope I can do the same!


advochasty said...

Margo -

I think circumstantial distress is relative. Your "math bomb" was awful for you. It destroyed something substantial and real you thought you were building.

You have the deep committment and desire to stay sober. Desire is the key and you've got it. I think we share being the hardest on ourselves.

Happy 4th and thanks so much for commenting. It is you who comforts me!

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hey Advo:

Great to see you posting again! Very hard to maintain something like a blog with the day to day you are now facing. Yes a pro would be an excellent solution but finances are a very important consideration and the costs of in home care are daunting. A little me time is essential for sanity though and a release might be just what the doctor ordered. If you are like me BDSM fantasy provides a much needed break from the mental stress of being a care giver.

I hope I see you in the city this month. There are rumors of a dinner party. Chances are good this will come to pass. I hope you are able to come because I am really looking forward to seeing you.

advochasty said...


Happy I posted too! Great to see your comment! Shows how much I missed this!

My solution is my search and just that. Can't give up the search.

I've heard these rumors about said dinner too. I look forward to it and it will be great to see you - whenever that may be!

Whizzer said...


So great to see you writing again. I had feared to worst when it had been so long. Please do check in and let us know how you are faring even when there is nothing kinky to write about.

Blessings to you and your wife.


advochasty said...

Whizzer -

Thanks for dropping by. I actually could write more about the caregiving process as it unfolds. It has it's own kinky spin. I think I'm best at ass wiping (literally). I always get her hair wrong and I don't know how women ever get dressed there are soooo many things to consider.

But it is all making me a better more patient man and I thank my wife for that everyday.

Good to see your name on my blog again!

Lady Rissa said...

Hey there Advo,

Its good to see you writing again. I can't even imagine how busy you must be. My offer still holds though. If you want to make it up to Hartford sometime, I would be more than willing to sponsor you for a night at the local BDSM dungeon. Remember to take care of yourself as you care for your wife. ENjoy your summer. :)

Lady Rissa

Aarkey said...

Good to see you blogging again. I've missed it.

I know you've got a great deal going on in your life, and I understand the tricky balance between caring for yourself and caring for another - though not nearly to the degree which you are saddled with.

And while I hope you find a fun distraction, I'm sure that woman wasn't it. Not today at least. If she can't understand and sympathize well enough with where you're at, she needs more than you can give.

And much better to find out now, than down the road - right?

See you soon my friend, best wishes on your journey.

advochasty said...

Hey Lady Rissa,

Thanks so much for the kind and generous offer! So nice to see your comment!

advochasty said...


Thanks for the kind words. A fun distraction would be fun indeed. It's a tough job to interview for! I think it's a hard gig for a woman to be involved with me at all right now. And for sure, better to find out now about that promising interaction than later down the road.

Have a couple of other promising nibbles. Maybe even a date Thursday night! Nice to just have a possibility even if there's no time to catch a breath.

See you soon!!

Tara Sterling said...

This is actually the most clear/ realistic description of what you're looking for I've seen/heard. No wonder you've found her!