Friday, February 13, 2009


It is my firm belief that Valentine's Day has been put on the calendar so guys like me can mess up. I try to be attentive, but not clingy; dutiful but not sycophantic; caring but not overbearing; funny, but not glib; a sensitive guy, but not a eunuch-like wuss. You get the picture. Then comes V'day ...

"She-Who-Visits" is coming for a visit! Soon! I'm overjoyed! I miss her so much! We've been so much more connected during these past four months. We've had our sweet emails, wonderful telephone chats, and our lovely book club. She recently got a new job on Island Paradise, an idyllic atoll which is far enough away that it can seem a world apart. But it is a place I personally know a little and actually have a major connection with. She left her dream job - the one that took her there - for an office job - a thing she left the New York rat race to escape. Although she likes it, it has stressed her some. And if I'm really honest, she's told me she worked for Company X, but all I heard was she was the high powered assistant to a very successful person who she seems to like very much.

So today my cellphone goes off and it's her! I'm sooooo happy she's called. "It's the end of my work day." she says, sounding tired. "You sound so tired." I say, sounding concerned, but not overbearing. "It's the end of the work week, it's Friday!" I say cheerfully, but sincerely. "Yes, and where are my Valentine flowers?" she rasps.

I'm floored. "But I don't have an address." I say lamely. "Well, it's the only Company X on the island!" she counters. "I'm ... I'm ... I'm ... sorry?" I shoulda, coulda, woulda ... blah, blah, blah. "You're sorry?? Well wallow in it! I have to go back to work." Line is dead.

I immediately google Company X and plain as day there's the address. I google flowers on Island Paradise and find a flower store that tells me they'll deliver in under an hour. I place the order and feverishly text her to please not end her work week for an hour. I call.

"Yes, what now?"

"I ordered flowers, they'll be there in under an hour."

"I'm meeting a friend for a run. Cancel them. I'll talk to you this weekend." Line is dead. God, I hate to disappoint her.

Aarkey did a post awhile back about guys going to the Doghouse. Help!! I'm in the doghouse. Try as I might, I never can stay out of the damn place. And that, dear reader, is why Valentine's Day sucks. It's on the calendar just so guys like me can mess up. I had planned a heartfelt, well-phrased, V'day e-love letter. Which I sent her. Along with a PS and a link to the Doghouse video.
What the hell. Every man in the doghouse is innocent. Hey, work on the folding Advo! And tonight, it's quiche and chai latte. Again.

And Domina mine, I just wanna be your dog.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hey Advo:

I'm sorry to hear about your little faux pas!! Yikes!!!! :-O!!! observation is that she must care about you. Otherwise she would not be so upset! Also this is not one of those horrible mistakes that one does not recover from. It occurs to me that "She Who Visits" is deliberately setting up hoops for you to jump through and difficult hurdles to climb. She knows how much she means to you and my guess is that this is all part of the game! Who knows? There might even be a punishment in there for you! ;-)

So chin up good Sir Knight and enjoy her visit!!! I am very happy for you!!! Everyone's heart should go "pitter patter" on this of all days!!



advochasty said...

Yes to the hoop jumping and her care. It was not lost on me. As for punishment, one can only dream. ;-P

I suppose in the end we can only try and then work at getting paroled from the doghouse. Woof!!!

Maitresse S said...

I look at it this way : I want the gifts to be genuine, so I don't tell the guys I date what to do or not to do. If I were to tell my boy I was mad at him for not sending me flowers and then he immediately sent me flowers, It would seem insincere to me and I wouldn't appreciate it.

If I were you, I would do something else for her....send your e-love note and maybe name a start for her at and send it to her with some cheesy inscription of how everlasting your love is as the stars or something. Now thats slick! :)


advochasty said...

I appreciate the advice and I'm going to check out Thanks!!

However, I gotta say that this is a great example of why men are from Mars and women are from someplace entirely different. "Bring me flowers, bring me flowers" - then when we bring 'em it's insincere.

I'm tellin' quote a friend and fellow citizen of Mars, Valentine's Day ranks below Flag Day in holidays I wouldn't miss.

I just sent her flowers that said "With you in my life, everyday is Valentine's Day." And I sincerely meant every word. Except the part about wanting everyday to be Valentine's Day! It would be like a nightmare remake of "Groundhog Day".