Friday, August 21, 2009

From Tucson to Tucumcari

Etienne wrote a comment about personal relationships with prodommes on Wynter's blog in response to her post about her own relationship. He said:

So it can happen. You do have to really want it though, and be willing to see the Lady as more than just fantasy fulfillment. In the immortal words of Delbert McClinton:

"The upkeep on a woman like that will give an old poor boy the blues."

I don't mean financially, just that being a prodomme requires a certain degree of (being honest) self-centeredness that requires both good personal boundaries and true joy in service. We don't love them because they're low-maintenance, after all!

I thought that was just one of the most insightful observations I've ever read on a submissive man's committment to a dominant woman. He seemed to have such a well-grounded outlook about his own relationship. It was particularly on target for me since in my last post I was moaning about all the stuff that She had me doing for her. Whiney little subbie was all bent outta shape because he was hauling a few blouses down to Florida. Poor, put upon advo.

But Etienne really brought into sharp relief for me what seemed to be an essential truth about She and perhaps about dominant women in general. Enthrallingly or annoyingly they are in varying degrees kinda self-centered. They believe we are here to serve them. We crave that service. But day-in-day-out if the attitude that you deserve service is not just a role, but a personality trait, it does, as Etienne observed, require a dollop of self centeredness on the domme's part.

And upon reflection, I truly wouldn't have it any other way. So this week I surrendered to service. I made lists of all the stuff that had arrived from She's shop fest. Printed order forms and tracking numbers and lists. I updated her on progress. I went out to a local discount emporium, "where educated consumers are their best customers" and bought a fine, ballistic cloth, roller bag the size of a steamer trunk for a fraction of its retail price. No dumb shopper, I! And I packed it to the gills.

And as I haul this montrosity from Manhattan to Florida I'll cherish that she chose me to serve her.

After all, I didn't choose her because she's low maintenance. I'm still...willin'. As long as the damn thing fits into the rental Mustang.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

You are so fortunate to have someone like She in your life to serve, worship and adore. I know you know that. We subs really need service in our lives to feel fulfilled. At least I know I do. I was surprised to discover how much satisfaction I derived from service when I was a client. That discovery was very helpful to me and allowed me to start thinking about a successful D/s model I could carry over into my marriage.

You and Etienne are both very fortunate to be involved in "real relationships" with a professional Mistress. Many a sub/client would kill for that opportunity. On the other hand it must be tough in certain ways. I don't imagine they are the easiest women to maintain a close relationship with. I would think you need inner strength, wisdom, self knowledge, self control and sincere devotion to maintain that connection.

Many of us start with a loving relationship and try to mold our beloved into our Mistress. You and Etienne started out with a Mistress and molded that connection into a loving relationship. That must be quite a challenge.

I like Etienne very much too by the way. I think he's a class act.

advochasty said...

I am a fortunate guy. I think my relationship with She is a total lightening strike. But it is "real" albeit "different".

I just don't think I could ever try again to "mold" a loving relationship into a bdsm union. I've utterly failed at that my entire life.

I had lunch yesterday with an old girlfriend I'd done that with. It was nice to say I wanted to find a kinky dommy woman who I could play with and go grocery shopping with.

That's why your accomplishments are so impressive. Together, you and Her Majesty have forged a loving relationship that meets your respective need for kink.

Of course, nothing is perfect.

But from where I sit ... it is you my friend who is the class act.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Thank you Advo. Your support has always meant a great deal to me, especially during the times when I doubted myself.

I agree with you. I would never try to mold another vanilla woman again. Her Majesty already had a lot of things going for her that made our kinky relationship possible. I pretty much had to just suggest it and she was like; "go buy me a whip!" She is naturally dominant. Vanilla dudes would probably call that quality "bossy". I lucked out. Another "lightening strike" as you say. The changes that came later that caused us so many problems were related to things other than kink including female biology which, as you and I have already discussed can really throw a wrench in the works of a loving relationship. Some of the problems also had to do with my approach. Being a client was a hugely valuable experience for me. It taught me so much about myself and about the difference between fantasy and reality.

If I were single now I would go out and find someone who was really into kink. I wouldn't waste my time trying to convert (pervert?) the vanilla folk. Life is just too darn short!

√Čtienne said...

I'm glad you found my comment insightful, advochasty. I must confess, it's an insight I didn't have all on my own. I heard it said by Robert Greenberg of female opera singers--that they must necessarily be a little self-centered because they are their own instruments, and that we should consider it an occupational hazard. Many years prior to hearing his comment, a friend of mine in fact gave up singing because she didn't want to live a life centered around herself.

All I did was recognize the same dynamic in my relationship.

I recognize what you mentioned, too; sometimes I feel put upon, and have to remind myself that this really is what I want.

@HMP: Thanks; you, too.