Friday, August 7, 2009

Yeah I Wanna Touch

I was out last night with a woman. Young, smart, beautiful - an artist with a killer accent. We've been friends for three years or so. She did the art for my office, helped with design ideas, and has graced my fantasies with her wicked body and her slightly off-kilter smile. It was a beautiful night. My plan to take her to the Rise Bar at the Ritz Carlton on the tippy toe of Manhattan was foiled by its change in status to a private event venue. Undettered, right across the street was nice little Italian with outdoor seating overlooking Mistress Liberty and the massive body of water that has made New York, New York . An amazing sunset was ours.

My friend knows my wife. I had told her before our "date" that we were probably separating but when I began to talk about it she was just devastated. What a classic move on my part, no? Tell the alluring young artist you're the sensitive, well-meaning sex starved victim of a dying marriage and hope for mercy nookie. Sometimes I'm just a middle-aged cliche.

But my wife and I were somehow my friend's paradigm of perfection. Go figure. She became visibly upset when I began to tell her my version of the maritial meltdown. My wife on the other hand has snidely suggested that among my controversial women friends, this one was most likely to be a tie-me-up-tie-me-down kinda girl. Hmmmm...let's see.

So I described our precarious fisc as a contributing factor to our discord and confessed that sex had been a long term problem. I told my very hot Russian artiste and pretend paramour that although I had provided my wife, prior to the "I do" thing, with full knowledge and notice that I was as kinky as a very cheap garden hose, she and I had become enemy combatants over this issue. My friend laughed appreciately at my plagiarized, on-the-money descripition of my sexuality. Thanks, Elihu!

But as I gave a highly edited history of "client nineness" it became absolutely clear that the woman I've lusted after for sometime, written about in posts , and had all to myself for a gorgeous mid-summer sunset had no clue whatsoever about what makes me tick. Explaining bdsm to attractive, clueless women is a total downer. It's just complete social saltpeter. My horniness quotient, which was pretty high, went from a 9.5 to less than zero.

I guess I just needs me a domme.

But last night it was nice to own. I was remembering when I was single and would tell a girl I was into that I liked lingerie and maybe a little restraint? I would hope against hope for a positive response. These days, if a woman demonstrates no appreciation for the Scene, kink in general or isn't intensely curious about the whole deal my attitude is ... next. It's not that I won't be friends. I really like the Russian artist hottie. But I'm a submissive and I'm proud of it. I'm not looking for crumbs. I want me some cake, baby. With your permission only, of course!

Guess I'll just have to date kinky. Do I wanna touch?

And Yo, HMP, insteada that Joan song, how 'bout ... Joanie does Iggy - from me to you!


Aarkey said...

Interesting timing on this entry.

I'll say this... change is the only constant.

Best wishes on your journey.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

Way to use Maxfisch mottos on unsuspecting vanilla civilians!! At least you gave Elihu credit! ;-)

Vanilla girls don't get it! Sounds like the title to a warped frat house comedy. But it's the truth. I have tried to convince many a girlfriend that my desire to have my ass whipped while I sucked on her toes was really o.k. Mostly they went along for the ride, some more enthusiastically than others. My Queen was the first (other than D.) to give me an enthusiastic thrashing. Its hard to find my friend. Very very hard to find.

Hence the abundance of pros. But they are doing it for money not for love. Money can't buy you love perhaps but it can surely buy you some kinky fun provided you find the right provider. Its the easy way out though. Junk food for the soul. Its missing that "real" connection you have with She or that I have with my Queen. It's not very wholesome or nutritious. In the end it leaves one feeling empty and sad.

I have noticed a few posters on The Hang and The Scene reporting that they have explored the lifestyle scene with excellent results. Galen and Teasetoy to be precise. If I were in your situation I think I might set out in that direction. If I were single right now I would almost certainly do so.

I agree with your approach by the way. Enough with trying to convert clueless vanilla girls into dominant women. Been there done that. Best to go out and find the real thing in the wild! Happy hunting my friend! ;-)

Volond said...


Yeah, there is no converting "uninitiated"... not at this point in life. You want to meet someone that you can ... hit the ground running... as they say. I've got to believe that in NYC you have a pretty good chance of that.

Keep your Russian friend around though - they are known to be quite open minded, progmatic people.

Good luck!

Ms. Tara Sterling said...

Whenever I encounter an edgy, provocative genius I think to myself 'gotta be a domme!' and I've been disappointed more times than I can count on my fingers. Funny how people with complex psyche's can still have such simple sexuality... C'est la vie.

How brave of you to 'come out' though!

advochasty said...

Aarkey -

Amen, brother. Usually me and change are like oil and water. But these days? I'm all about change.

Thanks for sharing the journey!


It was actually fun to watch her expression go from confusion (he's comparing himself to a hose?) to getting it and laughing!

We walked together to the subway after dinner and went by the Hermes store on Broad Street in the Financial District. I commented on how much I liked their equestrienne outfits and their horsey correctional implements.


"Look, aren't the crops and dressage sticks beautiful," I say.

"What's a crop?", she asks blankly.

Oh, okay she's from Moscow not horse country. But not a kinky fiber in her being.

I don't think good prodommes are junk food purveyors. Like you've always said, it's a professional, service provider relationship. In a number of instances over the years, I was well sustained by some wonderful prodommes.

Yah, lifestyle. How, where, when, what ... all in good time. Thanks, as always for your much appreciated insights.


I love my Russian friend. She's an amazing artist, voraciously curious, and curva-licious hot!! I'm for sure not cutting her out of my life. Just no beautiful Hermes crop whacking from her ...

Tara -

I totally hear you. I love your phrase "edgy provacative genius" She seems so great she must be one of us. Lots of "tops in the street and bottoms in the sheets" when it comes to women and me. I'm glad here in my 50's I've learned my lesson.

Gotta find the real deal.

Always such a pleasure when you drop by. :-)

Mistress Veronica NYC said...


I think everyone can relate to your experience of wanting (expecting?) someone to be a certain way in bed- and finding out that they are completely the opposite, or weirded out, or even just that kink is an alien concept. Shit, that sucks.

Anyway- I always enjoy your writing. I read (really, scan) a lot of blogs, and so many (on this subject, at least) are so fucking boring, that I can't even get past the fist paragraph.

You are consistently honest, observant, funny, and unconcerned with impressing anyone. Which is really refreshing.

I know this is no consolation in trying to find a dominant whom you may want to share experiences with, but thank jesus that you don't bore the crap out of people.

I wish you much luck.


advochasty said...

Veronica -

Will you bear me children? Smart, reflective, kinky little hellcats who will change the world as we know it?

Girl, you got it goin' on!


Mistress Veronica NYC said...


Are you flirting with me?

I just noticed that I said "fist paragraph", instead of "first paragraph", whoops!

Any takers??

If I didn't abhor at the idea of being pregnant, we'd have hellians galore.

advochasty said...

Veronica -

I must be a very lame flirt indeed if you're just noticing. :-P

Hmmm...fist paragraph huh? My taking would be a first ... I mean fist, I mean a umm,

Now I'm all tougue tied.

If I didn't abhore the thought of daddyhood our hellians would be gorgeous as they'd all take after you.

Really? You just noticed?