Sunday, May 23, 2010

A New Chapter

I've finally found my new home. For a year at least. I'll be living in the West Village/Meatpacking District, fittingly just a stone's throw from the old Hellfire Club. I never went to Hellfire. My perv provenance is client based rather than scene-player based, but I like the thought of living so close to such a venerated, back-in-the-day kind of place.

As I wrestle with sometimes overwhelming emotional strangleholds to find a perspective on this new chapter, I reach to try. It's all so confusing and difficult. But I content myself that come September I'll move on from the opening paragraphs of the tale and be able to see a bit more clearly.

For now, I just try to be myself and not fall to pieces, as I look at sleeping alone and living with the pain.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

Congratulations on finding your new place! How appropriate that one of us should live in that famous (infamous?) scene neighborhood!

I can only imagine how difficult this period of change has been for you. I hope this is a new beginning; the start of a wonderful time in your life. If nothing else you are in NYC the epicenter of a vibrant and active BDSM scene. You can meet kindred spirits, like minded souls and pursue those relationships wherever they lead. Like the Stones song says; you're free to do what you want any old time.

I will come visit this summer. I promise.

advochasty said...

As the move has gotten closer I've connected more deeply with the loss and the hopeful horizon has seemingly receded. It will reappear -- I have faith.

Ya! Come visit!!

Anonymous said...

That drop when reality sets in is, I think, absolutely necessary for you to move forward in a grounded way and not just high on your fantasies.

If my own experience is any guide, the next ten years of your life will be exciting beyond belief. Be prepared to enoy them.


Aarkey said...

I suspect you'll have many of the bitter-sweet feelings that I went through at the end of my first marriage.

Knowing you as I do, I suspect that you are very ready to start this next chapter in your life - but that doesn't mean finishing the pages of this last one won't be without mixed feelings.

Ring anytime bro.

advochasty said...


Thanks for the wise encouragement. Although fantasy is a wonderful spice, the main course is life with all its reality. I'm pretty clear-eyed about the kink part of the new chapter. I have very little expectation. I'd like to have some new friends, but I have no illusion of wild excitement beyond belief.

Not that I'd object mind you...

Thanks for dropping by.

Aarkey -

This process is, other than getting sober, the most difficult thing I've ever done. The bitter taste of moving out of the apartment I worked so hard to get and maintain and separating from someone I've loved for twenty two years far outweighs the sweetness of my hope for renewal.

I was so bummed the other day that I had to remind myself that I'm going to be living at the start of the High Line, an NYC urban park that I've always been facinated by. I'm easy... ;-)

I'm sure I'll perk up soon, but it's just so damn sad.

Miss Troy Orleans said...

I checked in with your blog for the first time in a while a few weeks ago and was stunned by your goings on. Quite a few major changes afoot! I applaud your courage and conviction and wish you all the best in your continued journey.

And I'm totally jealous of your new neighborhood. That's exactly where I've wanted to live if I didn't live where I do (and I've got the rent controlled apartment, so it's near-impossible to leave). Love the High Line.

Maybe you can think about it as the more places in your life that you find yourself exactly where you want to be, the more you'll be exactly where you want to be. Best of luck to you, dear.

advochasty said...


"...the more places in your life that you find yourself exactly where you want to be, the more you'll be exactly where you want to be."

I love that! Thanks. I should tape it to my forehead!!

It's all pretty overwhelming but last week I wandered over to the new neighborhood and walked up the stairs to the entrance of the High Line, one block from my new place. Not bad...he thought.

Ya, and the new 'hood is foodie paradise, so no wonder you covet!!

I had a rent stabilized place in the West 90's near RSD for 25 years. Bought the coop just 5 blocks away on the Drive. So I've been on the UWS for 33 years in only two places.

No wonder I'm overwhelmed.

But thanks, MTO, for reminding me of the excitement and adventure. I'm sure it will kick back in soon!!

Always a pleasure to have you drop by!!

Subdued said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Subdued said...

Hi Advo,

Congrats on the new place. Yes, the life change sounds scary but exciting too. I was going to write something after reading your post about the High Line, about how you are moving right next to one of great recent additions to NYC life, but then I see that you've already mentioned it. Well, there is also Chelsea Market, which is cool too. As for the emotional effects of the separation, I empathize and wish you the best. I came very close, once, to a similar situation, and it had that same mixture of fear and anticipation. As conveyed by the blog, though, you have a much more outgoing and positive way of processing life changes than I fear I do. I felt that I might not have ever left the apartment. With you, I don't have that worry. Wishing you the best....

(Oh, and I made a minor edit to this post which is why the deletion.)

advochasty said...

Subdued -

Thank you so much for the vote of confidence in processing life change. I ran into a couple of friends on the UWS the other day and the woman said I looked rested, relaxed, and fit. More like exhausted, tense, and fit-to- be-tied! And not in the good way.

I'll definitely check out Chelsea Market. I don't do well with goodbyes or change. I think the blog is a brave face. I'm absolutely and completely terrified. The free floating anxiety can twist my stomach into tight, painful little knots.

It amazes me I've gotten this far. But something has driven it. It's been a well considered choice and I'm sticking to it, scary though it may be.