Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Dreamer Holding Sand

Yesterday my wife and I closed up our coop and handed our keys to our favorite doorman. One last time I gazed out the amazing corner bedroom window with the majestic view of the Hudson River streching south along Riverside Park. I said goodbye to an era of my life. Goodbye to my home and goodbye to my marriage.

I feel the excitement of adventure and discovery entwined with the knotted pain of loss. And though I sobbed uncontrollably all alone last night; choked, snotted echos filling my brand new apartment; tonight, I am home.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

That picture looks very familiar. I remember that view well. I had occasion to visit the Upper West Side last weekend to visit with D. Wow! It really brought me back!

I can relate to your terrible sense of loss. You gave up a lot for your freedom. Family and creature comforts mean more to us as we get older. But the umbilical chord has been cut now. The future beckons my friend.

Whizzer said...


Such mixed emotions. You've given up so much of your life in this pursuit. I truly hope you find all that you're looking for. If not, at least the journey should be a kick-ass ride.

You're in the thoughts and prayers of many of us, I am sure.

And here's a happy belated birthday to you.

Be well.


advochasty said...


I bet the picture looks familiar!!

I really liked the ones you took of the UWS and put up on your blog.

Though the future beckons, it requires process to truly embrace, and process it must await.

If they say "measure twice, cut once" I measured a million times. Yet nothing prepared me for the loss I feel. I'm sure I'll embrace adventure and freedom soon, but for now, true transition must have its due.


Someone asked me whether "this pursuit", which I take to be kink, was the main reason for the break up of my marriage. This someone asks good questions.

I said that while it was a part, there were other significant reasons why my wife and I have grown apart and cannot find a common ground on which to compromise.

I'd compromise my kink in a heartbeat to keep my marriage. There was just nowhere to go anymore.

So I went to the West Village...

Thanks so much for your kind words. It's so reassuring to have friends for support, to help me get over this very painful hump.

And thanks for the b'day wishes!!