Thursday, July 14, 2011

You're Not One A Those Submissive Toe Suckas, Are You?

OK Cupid dating is high entertainment. Last night I went out with a very funny, nice woman for dinner. She'd written in her profile she very much liked to doll herself up in a sexy black dress and wear stockings and heels. She wanted to meet me in a fancy Midtown restaurant. Who am I to deny such an opportunity?

Her high pitched voice with the tonal quality of Canarsie was absolutely charming in a I-wish-we'd-met-for-coffee kind of way. But there was something unique and uncut about her whole thing. She knew who she was and was totally cool with it.

Of course, the subject of just how kinky I really was came up as my personality profile labels me off the charts in that catagory as compared to other OKC searchers.

"Yer a lawya! Such a high class guy. I saw all the sex questions you answered. You just let it all hang out, doncha?"

I mumbled something about how OKC thinks you're kinky if you'd even day dreamed about a three way.

She leaned in close.

"So what are you?" she whispered. "I mean, yer not one a those submissive toe suckas are you?"

"Well, actually I am and quite proud of it thank you very much."

She gave me a look.

"And so you've been to Buenos Aires, huh?", I changed gears swiftly. "Very European I hear."

How much do you make public and how much do you leave private? Where is the line between making your desires known to increase the chances of meeting Mistress Right, and getting accused of being "one of those"? I think for the time being, I'm just going to let it ride. I am, after all, very much "those".

She did flash her stocking tops attached to garters at me. Alas, no back seam and no RHT or Cuban heel.

It's Bastille Day. Which makes it my birthday. Guess I'll keep daydreaming of meeting my match.


Sissy Chrissie said...

I don't think there's anything in the Rules of Professional Conduct that covers the situation. And common sense doesn't seem to offer much guidance either.

I certainly don't hand out a business card on the first date...

advochasty said...

SC -

No, I don't think there are formal ethical problems either. And you are so right that common sense isn't much help.

It's not so hard to figure out who someone is. I mean that as identifying an individual, not in the essential sense. The information on the internet has made so much that used to be private or available to friends - available to the world.

But at what point does one reveal what makes your boat float in a kink sense.

I've recently had some interactions with potential dates on Fetlife and there is obviously a more shared connection right off the bat. But even there, the timing and manner in which the reveal takes place is just interesting to contemplate on my end and watch unfold on her's.

Hey, thanks for dropping by!

Sissy Chrissie said...


I've tried it all three ways:
1) after marriage. Result: divorce.
2) during engagement: Result, ultimately the same - I spent a delightful honeymoon, part of it as a maid in London. However, she decided she wanted a "real" man.
3) from the first date: she met me as the true me. Knew everything up front. Result: she decided that she wasn't happy with a sissy. We're not divorced yet.

You get the idea, of course: there is no "right" answer.

Even on Fetlife - even at the Fetish Retinues - many (most) of the women you will meet will ultimately decide that while the persona of the submissive is enjoyable short term, it isn't what they really want for a life partner.

This may not be as unsatisfying as it would seem, but it does tend to limit the depth of the relationships.

Your mileage may vary...

And thanks for coming out. It isn't easy, I know!

advochasty said...

SC -

It's definitely not easy. However, in the short time I've been more open about my kink, I have met couples who are living some form of bdsm based lifestyle in which the woman is dominant and the man is submissive.

Mileage does indeed vary tremendously.

But I have high hopes that I'll find Mistress Right eventually - or at least someone with whom I have much more common ground than I've experienced in my long term relationships thus far.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

Happy Birthday Amigo! :-)

That was a great post. Very funny, honest and extremely well written as always.

It must be really tough to be "out" and dating vanilla women. It requires a lot of self confidence and the ability to be absolutely comfortable in one's own skin. I have become a lot more comfortable being who I am as I have gotten older. But I am with someone who understands me and accepts me for who I am. (Also someone who very much enjoys having her toes sucked!) I think I have come to take that level of acceptance for granted. I have almost forgotten how judgmental people can be when they totally don't get kink even a little bit. More power to you my brother! Let your freak flag fly! ;-)

I love reading about your dates. You described her so well I felt like I was sitting across the table from her.

"You're not one a those sumbissive toe suckas are you?"

"You bet ya sweet Canarsie manicure dollface! Now how about it toots? Can I get a taste a dose nylon covered tootsies or what?" ;-)

advochasty said...


LOL!!! Ha, ha, ha!! You crack me up. I definitely should have said something like that!

I have had some promising FetLife interactions recently. It will be interesting to see the differences in the meet and greet.

Mistress Justine Cross - Los Angeles Dominatrix said...

My friend gave me very helpful online dating advice. Post for exactly who you want. You may get less response, but it's more likely the people who will respond will be more into you.

And even if this has nothing to do with kink, do you really want to go out with anyone who says something as lame and disparaging as "you're not one of those submissive toe suckers are ya?"

advochasty said...

Justine -

My OKC profile is pretty specific without being absolutely literal.

I still get hit on by women who wonder how I'll follow them anywhere if I fall at their feet.

I went out with this particular woman because she seemed interested in me and liked to play dress up.

My theory is all the ethernet connection aside - it ain't real until you meet.

We met and there certainly won't be another date.

But even in the context of a fetish dating venue, it's all make believe until you're across a table from one another, don't you think?

Thanks for the comment! It is lovely to see you here!

Aarkey said...

LOL. First, happy b-day! Second, that accent turns off many, but the ones it gets. Oooh. It kills em. I don't mind it, but that might be a growin up neu yawkah thing. I have a vanilla friend who's palms sweat when he hears it. Fran Drescher is his Aphrodite.

Toe sucking, it's not one of my strengths. I'd be too tempted to nibble I think ;)

Aarkey said...

Oh, and as to the "how out" do you go? I think enough to be clear. I've tried to convert woman after woman to kink during a relationship. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly... and while there were some real fun times, it always didn't work. Being honest about what you're seeking is the only way IMO. The ONLY way. That doesn't make it easy, you still have to find a whole world of regular vanilla life similarities to bond on, but w/o not merely allowed toe sucking, but encouraged or even demanded... I suspect Advo won't be a happy fellow.


advochasty said...

Aarkey -

I suppose I didn't mean to rank on an accent and a voice pitch as much as the substance and content. A couple of people mentioned Fran Drescher when I told the story.

Always a new fetish to contemplate.

Yes I am done trying to convert the non-kinky. While there is a certain project value in the effort, for me it has just not worked.

Great seeing you guys last night!