Sunday, March 18, 2012

Restart - Cutting Out A Graceless Heart

It has been such a process, this decision. Two years ago I was looking for an apartment in Manhattan, cut adrift. I faced a separation that my gut knew was right and I searched to find a home and a haven. The little slice of the West Village I burrowed into is precious to me. Though many would mutter that at his age he should have so much more, I know it is a tribute to my resourcefulness that I have supported my separated wife, myself, my office, and my business.

But now I have more decisions. I love being single and trying to find Mistress Right. But my wife is slowing - withering away - and needs my help. At first I dug my hamfisted heels into the ground. I won't move back, I won't. I'm happy where I am.

But when I see her struggle to even pull up her feather light, elastic-like, jeans and I rush to her aid - I know there is one choice. So come June I'll pack up my bachelor pad and put everything, including my never-been-used-on-me Twisted Monk hemp rope and Victor Tella baby single tail, into storage and move back in to take care of her.

Until another life I shall cut out a graceless heart and trust that time will provide a restart.


Miss Margo said...

You are a kind person, Advo.

I am sorry that your wife is suffering. I wish that I could help. Life can be so monstrously unfair. The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong...

Victor Tella! Niiiiiiice taste!

I'm doing some work in the same neighborhood where you work. Let's do lunch some time soon. I'll have my people call your people. Lol.

Whizzer said...


Indeed these are dark days for many of us.

I often think back to the time we first met and discussed the thrill to be gained from service. Especially to the one we love.

Today in a totally non-sexual, non-BDSM way you provide the greatest service one can offer. I know you do it not for accolades or cheers, but you are so very deserving of our admiration.

You do it for love and humanity. And that, my friend, is the greatest service of all. Congratulations.

Your reward will come. Until then, rejoice in the love and beauty that you offer to someone so very special to you. So special that you put aside so much of your life to make her suffering a little bit easier in the days ahead. You and that special lady are in my prayers. God Bless.

All the best,


advochasty said...


Thanks. I am kinda kind, somathetime...

Ya, Victor Tella looks nice all curled up but nowhere to go swish...

Yes, our people! Lunch for sure.

advochasty said...


Your comments are a source of true support in more ways than you may truly appreciate. Thank you so much. It does really mean a lot to me!

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Advo my friend you are an extraordinary person. Your decision to help your wife through this terrible ordeal is truly admirable. I loved what Whizzer said about this being the ultimate act of selfless service. I couldn't agree more.

To echo what Margo said we should do lunch sometime soon. I am going to schedule a trip to visit friends in New York this summer. You are at the top of my list. It would be great to see you again.

advochasty said...


Thanks man. You are always there and always have been. It would be great to see you again too. The strength of virtual community with real support and friendship is truly powerful though. You're the best, dude!

Aarkey said...

Lots of subby men in the scene like to call themselves a knight. Few are.

You are one of them. You will always be able to look back at this chapter and know that you did the best you could. And NOTHING can ever replace that.

advochasty said...

Doing the right thing is important though sometimes it just amounts to putting one foot in front of the other.

I actually had this really nice feeling over the weekend that it could be a precious and sweet time. Bitter to no end. But really sweet to spend time with her.

Cu said...


I came to your blog only recently, and I have to tell you two things: you every right to feel down at times, and you are doing the right, honorable thing.

At the end of the day, serving the right woman is important. Being true to your heart about what is right is far more important! You're a good man. Know it.

advochasty said...

CU -

Thanks very much. Something I was so resistant to; giving up my subbie guy, kinky dating search to care for my terminally ill wife, now seems certainly right and actually pretty natural.

Thanks for dropping by! Don't be a stranger.