I have spent my life chasing after strong, smart, snarky, sarcastic, funny, life of the party girls who seem to me like they just must be dominant women in the bedroom. Needless to say I have been wrong. Dominance can be nurtured and nuanced and cultivated; but you can't hook up with a take-me-I'm-yours kinda gal and turn her into a domme.
I was reminded of this the other night when I went on my third date with a woman who was just my type. Third date land is in my book getting to the point that the nasty nasty should be at least lurking around the corner - otherwise we're either friends or we go our separate ways. Not always. Sometimes I'm sure it's slower and organic, but for me third date is a landmark.
Even my date's name suggested the kinky. Let's call her Livia Lashes - and honestly her real name is way better. Anyway, I'd dropped hints here and there and she dressed up for the date in a strapless white summer dress that hugged her atheltic curves with a possessive desire. Nice white heels and some great tastefully studded bracelets perfectly accessorized her fetching look.
"So Advo, if I'm going to date you what are you into in the bedroom?"
So I gave her what I thought was the most innocent and conventional of my desires; my love of retro-lingerie. She said she thought that was practically every guy out there. And then launched into a perfectly sensible explanation as to why that didn't work for her. Some girls don't like the dress-up thing. Now I can live with that, but I can't live without the attitude of dominance. I asked her if she knew anything about kink or bdsm and she said "you mean the dominatrix thing"? And she quickly added no, she knew nothing about it.
We had a perfectly fine evening after that and I persisted in trying valiantly to get the flirt on. But the wheel had spun and there was no jackpot. I even tried to coax a real kiss as we said goodbye and received a little peck on the mouth. I instantly sexualized her witholding.
But Ms. Lashes and I are going nowhere but the dreaded friendship land. I shouldn't be so flip. Good friends are hard to find and I like her alot. And in the end, we put it on the line and we know where we stand - or at least I'm sure I do.
And so the hunt for Mistress Right continues - in a very play it as it lays kind of way. If it happens wonderful, if it doesn't I content myself with enjoying the ride.
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