Saturday, November 8, 2008

Pro vs. Pampered Lifestyler

In chatting about her upcoming travels on the Max Board, the iconic, extraordinarily lovely, and oh-so-funny Domina M drew a distinction between the professional and the "pampered lifestyler". She posited she'd be "okay" - or on the sunnyside of legal - if she had her submissive pay for her hotel and played with him at her leisure. She seemed to define this form of interaction as "pampered lifestyle". I love this term. FWIW - and it is not worth legal advice - I agree with M that she's unlikely to get jammed up if her "compensation" is a nice corner room at the Marriott.

But more than legal niceties, her term "pampered lifestyle" seemed so accurately descriptive of the relationship I have with the domme I love. For each of her visits during the past year I've sprung for her hotel. I've loved doing this as it allows her to stay in town, have a base of operations, and I get to be told to strip naked so I don't wrinkle my suit when I bring her coffee in the morning. We also have romantic dinners from heaven and at the end of our lovely evenings I pick up the tab. That's just Chivalrous Dating 101. I'd been searching for a characterization of our thing together. Normally I don't pay for my friends hotel stays when they visit from out-of-town, but paying the bill at Kink Hilton didn't really seem like green in the tribute pouch either. The reaction on Maxville to this relationship concept was, as usual, facinating.

So thanks M for defining what has slightly perplexed me for the past year. Long live the pampered lifestyle!


kinkinexile said...

This is an interesting perspective to hear. Having done kink in my personal life and as a pro it is sometimes hard to find the balance in terms of what demands I can reasonably make outside of work and what demands I can reasonably make at work. Both sides have some peculiar quirks. I think a lot of submissive men have been taken advantage of, and so a request for a little pampering raises red flags. I can understand this, but it's unfortunate all the same.

Anyway, I like your blog, and thank you for your comment in mine.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hey Advo:

It sounds like you have a very unique, very cool arrangement going. It's not quite lifestyle but it's not really pro either. If she's willing to come into town and see you for no payment other than you covering her expenses she must really enjoy your company. Sure beats stuffing cash into an envelope and slipping it under the dungeon door. I love the quote you mentioned on another board; "She likes to say she's siphoning my fortune from me one triple grande mocha latte at a time." That's really cute! Kudos my friend. Sounds like you've got a good thing going! :)



advochasty said...

Exhiled ...
I'm interested in the "peculiar quirks". What are they? And by "at work" and "outside work" are we talking on and off the clock?
I think you're right that many submissive men are taken advantage of. Most are complicit. At least in recent years I'm a willing participant. Currently, it's all good for me. I like your blog too. Thanks for dropping by. It's always a total thrill to get a comment.

HMP ...

Ya made my day man. As much as I like the other board, they are a tough crowd. Felt like I was playing defense. Guess I'm a tad defensive so it is a breath of fresh air to hear your upbeat and supportive comment.
BTW ... thanks for being the only reader to comment on one of my musical interludes. That was totally cool!!

slave2Catwoman said...

Domina M is worth it all. She is awesome.

advochasty said...

Smart, hot, and cool. Soooo funny as well. A truly deadly combo!!

Alisa said...

Hello again,

I guess at work and outside of work don't mean as much to me now because I'm not working as a Domme. But yes, I basically meant the difference between being with a client vs. a personal play-thing. As for quirks, one thing I noticed is that when I was working I had to try extra hard to be demanding, when I'm playing I have to keep an eye on not being too demanding. This, however, is probably a thought I want to table for a time when I am not trying to finish packing :)

advochasty said...


You are absolutely right. Packing needs focus!!

Interesting quirk ... It seems almost the flip side of the concern I've heard some dominants in lifestyle relationships express. I've heard some say that their submissives are always hankering for demands and direction from them and that in itself can be exhausting.

Please come back when you're all packed! ;-)