Saturday, June 13, 2009

I Think I'm Goin' Off The Rails

I was in a meeting and my phone pulsed on my hip. I reflexively grabbed it and stole a peek. "She-Who-Visits" had caught me in mid-sentence. Grudgingly, I banished her to voice mail. Later, as I greedily listened to her cheerfully christen me useless for not being around when she calls, I learned she was here. In New York!! Did I want to have dinner!!! A couple of weeks ago she had mentioned that it was possible she'd be here for just a few days in June to visit her parents, but I had heard nothing. And you'd best believe I'd asked. Usually when she visits she gives me plenty of lead time so I can work myself up into a slavering frenzy.

I called her back. Did I want to have dinner tomorrow night? Up north by her? Get back to me, gotta finish shopping - go way!

"She" is very present tense focused. I was a day away - the mall was here and now. Her recent personal parsimony aside the sting just made me smile. I told myself she meant it with love. But over the next twenty four hours with each unanswered email, unreturned phone call, and ignored text I knew in my heart it was another excruciating exercise in the unrequited.

"I just need to be free", I muttered under my breath to nobody in particular. This just doesn't work for me. Finally, as the clock approached three in the afternoon, I called her yet again. An answer.

"Oh god, the cut is wrong. The color is awful. Auburn!! Can you imagine? It just makes my whole face look red. Dinner? Well, if you want to. Call the restaurant and see if you can get a reservation. And get the little table in the corner on the banquette. Can you be here by seven?"

I called, I cajoled, I reserved. I cleared decks, trimmed sails, and battened down hatches. At 5:15 I jumped into a black car on a corner near Wall Street and set off at the height of the nascent summer crush for Northern Westchester. An hour and change later we passed the George Washington Bridge. My phone rang.

"Are you almost here? No? Well I'm going to do an extra wash and rinse, maybe that will help this mess. Just thought I'd tell you. I might be late in case you were wondering where I was."

She's always late. A trait I adore since I love waiting - way T&D. From the Bridge my driver sprouted wings and flew. We were in the restaurant parking lot only five minutes late. I got my beloved anticipation. I sat and I decompressed, wondering if this trek was really worth it. The MIA, the hot and cold, the incommunicado. It all just sucked.

Then she walked in and it became an evening from heaven.

We've always done dinner in the most intimate and romantic fashion. Dinner with She is how I became more comfortable in my subbie guy skin. Dinner with She changed my life. We chatted about the banal and shared our deepest personal problems and concerns. Our eyes misted and we cracked each other up. We reminisced about our increasingly substantial past and conspired about our oh-so-priceless future. And in an intoxicating swirl from fried avocado with mango coulis to her favorite chocolate mousse souffle it was over. We held hands like teenagers. I caressed each graceful finger.

"I'm syphoning your fortune, one dinner at time", she smirked. "Time to go."

In the parking lot she leaned against her mother's car, drew me close and kissed me softly. I held her, never wanting to let go again.

"Move your hands down my back," she murmured.

I did.

"Put your hands on my ass," she sighed demandingly.

I did.

"Take your right hand and hike my dress up."

Boy did I!!

"That's it. Now put your hand on my ass."

I shook and buckled into her, breathing hard. She had no panties on.

"Put your hand in there, in between, in deep," her breath husky in my ear.

As I shyly probed a single digit, she reached around and thrust my index finger home, her hot whisper - I didn't wipe well.

"That's enough.", she cooed. "And don't touch me with that hand. And don't wash it. You can smell me for awhile longer."

I told her I was never washing my right hand again and was going to tape a plastic bag around it forever. She collapsed with a wonderful case of the giggles.

A final kiss and she drove away, into the suburban night. Gone.

Until again.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...


That was incredibly romantic and totally hot! What a TEASE She is!! She certainly knows how to bring your "ketal" (word verification) to a boil!! I can imagine you sitting in your office right now smelling your (still unwashed) finger and smiling! *Sigh!* Reading that made my heart ache and I've never even met her! ;-)

advochasty said...

She sure does make my teapot whistle!!

It was a wonderful reconnection. So sexy and affirming all at once.

*Sniff!*; *sniff, sniff!!*

Subdued said...


advochasty said...


Volond said...

That was ... wow/zow... that was ... some writing!

I'm buying your book, when it comes out!

advochasty said...

It's gonna be a scratch and sniff book, baby.
One hellava scratch and sniff book!
Thanks for the read! Thanks for the read.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

"It's gonna be a scratch and sniff book, baby."

LOL!!! Gotta get me a first edition copy of that one signed by the author! ;-)

advochasty said...

I'm sure She and I could come up with quite the designer ink for the book signing party.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Designer ink for the book signing party? Hmmmmmm........ ;-)

What kind of wicked little innuendos are you phutten (word verification) out there exactly?

advochasty said...

I'm not tellin'!! But maybe it could have an aroma of a stockinged phutt.

Aarkey said...

Well, I can tell why you put up with the frustrations ;)

Especially compared with the derision at home.


advochasty said...

Aarkey -


If only I can make the frustration part of the game. Hmmmmm ... I have some experience in that area! By jove, I think I've got it!!

Whoa, my word is "subcrone"! Hilarious! HMP and I just had lunch together here in Manhattan!! Long live subcrones!!

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

And a very enjoyable lunch it was too!! As I predicted we could have talked for hours! (Note - word verification = bablu). I am sure anyone sitting within earshot of our table caught some intriguing snatches of conversation! ;-)

It was great finally meeting you in person! I had a blast! :-)



advochasty said...

I had a great time at lunch too.

As I recall, there used to be cartoon in the Village Voice which featured a caricature of actual people overheard talking about something funny, outrageous, or controversial. I think we were clicking on all cylinders.

I'm always amazed at how private one can feel in a sea of people and then what a little village the city feels like the very next moment.

New York, New York.

Shoshana said...

Advo: I have been entrance by your blog this morning...I happened upon it via Wynter's...your writings are...well, magical—if i didn't know better, I would think it was a fantastical fiction story, but you are living an amazing fantasy, and I am enchanted.

advochasty said...


Every now and then I check back to see if there are comments hidden away in old posts. I just came upon yours the other day.

It is I who am enchanted that you are entranced by my efforts. Thanks for the really nice compliments.

Actually, I'd really have to do alot of fictionalizing to pubish this stuff more widely. All the characters who are not specifically named immediately recognize themselves.

While I engage in a writer's perogative to hyperbolize, exagerate, and embellish - it's all pretty much true.

Don't be a stranger now. I'm a total whore for comments! ;-)