Sunday, June 6, 2010

Al & Tipper

So my shrink asked last week how the Al and Tipper break-up made me feel. Isn't it just so New York City that a perverted, bow tie wearing, seersucker be-suited, subbie-lawyer guy talks to his gay shrink about the Al and Tipper Gore bust-up and can relate it directly to his life? Al and Tipper comfort me. For real. On the outside didn't they just seem so perfect? A little oh-so-sacchrine sweet, but a picture of somebody's form of the ideal, don'cha think?

And today's Styles section article about long-term marriage? I was once talking to a way-uptight colleague at a professional cocktail function about Sunday Times reading habits and confessed to going straight for Styles. I fear I was immediately written off as a total lightweight. Anyway, the article talked about what makes long term marriages survive. The author posits that one of the hallmarks is an active involvement in each other's lives. Trying new things together cements the history of the past with an excitement about the future.

Made me think that the decision my wife and I have made to try a life apart is fundementally sound. We really have grown apart. We do very little together and her dreams for the future and mine do not spark with the entangled balm of mutuality. And yet this Friday we viewed each other's new apartments together. His in the West Village/Meatpacking District and hers on the Upper West Side. I'm jealous of her back yard. Always wanted private, urban, outdoor space. She said I could come over and smoke cigars - outside.

But as we walked together from my place in the neighborhood that raises my "cool factor" with its mere mention, we passed the Louboutin boutique just a scant two blocks away. All I said was, "Gotta love Christian!" when we passed a window display that makes this fetishist's heart race.

"I'm sure you'll meet some bimbo who will just love those things," she spat. "But you'll have to buy them for her as well as pay her hourly rate."

It was hot, humid, and hazy on Horatio. I was tired and ill-advisedly shot back.

"Why don't you just keep all your negative crap to yourself? Really, that's just totally disrespectful."

Now I begrudge nobody a hard-earned hourly rate and have happily paid my money down on more occassions than I care to add up in these challenging times of fiscal frustration. But I thought the moment captured where I am these days.

I really do look forward to a future where I'll stop at a window like that with a woman who will drag me from the street into the store and try on pair after pair whether we buy any or not because she loves them too. I mean you don't even have to want to lick a length of skyscraper heel to love Mr. Louboutin.

In the end, what's most reassuring about Al and Tipper is not that they are paddling the misery boat along with me in a river of broken dreams, but that they are optimistic enough to separate in their sixties after forty years of seemingly picture perfect marital bliss. Like my pal Aarkey, I choose optimism, baby.

You watch. One day I'll write about how I got dragged into CL's little corner shop by my way cool dommy girlfriend who just has to have the Frutti Fruttis in black python, with the black flowered lace. We may not run into Tipper, but we'll sure be havin' a party.

Oooo...maybe Veronica will yell at me for not using Sam...

9 comments:

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hey Advo:

Great post. And good for you for standing up for yourself! That negative crap is exactly what you said it was; negative crap! It's good that you and your ex can remain friends. Good that you can hang out in the back yard and smoke cigars. But when someone is so judgmental and dismissive about the very core of your being it becomes quite clear that you made the right decision. BTW my heart races when I walk past a shop window displaying sexy ladies foot wear too! Good to know I'm not alone! ;-)

There are some great quotes in here including: "In the end, what's most reassuring about Al and Tipper is not that they are paddling the misery boat along with me in a river of broken dreams, but that they are optimistic enough to separate in their sixties after forty years of seemingly picture perfect marital bliss. Like my pal Aarkey, I choose optimism, baby."

What do you think happened to Al and Tipper anyway? They have been keeping their cards pretty close to their chest! Do you think Tipper maybe stopped whacking Al with the frat paddle? :-p

It's great to hear you sounding so positive and upbeat! :-) Can't wait to see the new place! ;-)

advochasty said...

My wife's anger and judgment is just her way of expressing her pain over rejection. "I don't like high heels; you do; therefore you don't like me" goes her reasoning.

She-Who-Visits said recently that she thinks my wife and I would be fine if she just turned a blind eye to my kink. "Oh yeah, there goes Advo again, looking at silly stilt shoes."

I actually think "She" is right. But my wife can't get past what she perceives as my rejection of her. I understand it.

One of the things the Times article said that I think is so true is you just never know what's going on in a marriage unless you are in it.

Haven't the foggiest about Al and Tipper, but somehow "Yes Mistress Tipper" just seems so wrong! ;-)

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

I agree. Your marriage might have weathered the storm if your wife had been able to accept your kink even if she didn't participate. I also agree that her bitterness and negativity probably stem from feelings of rejection. She would also have had to accept your visiting a pro to get your needs met or at least turned a blind eye to it. The sad fact is that most wives are unable to do any of these things which makes her the rule not exception.

You are like me in many ways. It is important to both of us to figure out the "whys" behind everything and try to make sense of what we are going through mentally and emotionally. Understanding is half the battle even if we can't change anything that happens.

But all of this points to one simple truth; you made the right choice! It was a difficult one and you paid a price for it but you did the right thing by freeing yourself to pursue your freedom and your happiness. As you face this period of growth,change and uncertainty you can take comfort in that.

Yeah Mistress Tipper sounds pretty bad but not as bad as Mistress Palin! ;-)

Christian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aarkey said...

I'm with HMP - good for you to stand up. It's tough sometimes to say the hard thing. To say "that is hurtful" - was impossible for me years ago. I would stew. I would burn inside. I would eventually explode.

But now by not sitting on the pot and holding down the lid, the boiling steam doesn't rise to throw off the top.

The top is not on.

And hell, most of the pro-dommes I know are hardly bimbos. The average kinkster seems far more intelligent than the average bear in the woods for that matter too.

Meh.

Bitterness and jealousy. Such ugly things.

chano!

PS - I was a little bummed about Al & Tipper too. Not enough to do discussing it though ;)

advochasty said...

HMP -

I dunno...I think Ms. Palin is kinda dommy and hot. Double domme session with Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin...now yer talkin'!

Aarkey -

I feel pretty good "standing up for myself", but I also know her anger and bitterness are borne of the pain she feels over what she perceives as my rejection of her.

And I'm with you, so many of the pro-dommes I've known over the years are smart, creative, empathetic, and all around way cool women.

I got into trouble on the Max board for a comment I made about thinking I'd like to date a prodomme. Like wanting to marry a doctor I guess. I've just found certain catagories of women disproportionately attractive.

Interpreters, court reporters, and pro-dommes...

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Advo:

You need to start hanging out on Irene's board. There are some ultra right wingers there who also happen to be great Dommes. Just say you love Obama and you think he's a great president. They'll kick your ass all the way into next week! You'll like it a lot! ;-)

Miss Troy Orleans said...

Thanks for the link, Advo...I just spent nearly an hour browsing Louboutin shoes online! What a rabbit hole! I've been debating on whether to splurge on another pair (you may have seen some of my collection in my photos) or get an iPad. I think practicality has won this round ... then again, Barney's IS having a sale...

advochasty said...

HMP -

Sounds like excellent sport. Annoy the right wing dommes and get a word thrashing!! I'm there!!

MTO -

What a pleasure to have you drop by! The Louboutin web site is so fun! I love the opening page with the kicking shoe shattering the glass to let you in.

Tough choice!! I lust after an iPad. I think it's a big toy. Fun for entertainment. Just like a new pair of CLs.

If you could find an iPad sale too maybe you could get both!!