Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Advo Dates

My, my...that didn't take long now did it. So far I've been on two dates. One was so good I'm not writing about it. I really liked her. Gotta be cool fool.

The second one was last night. She was one of the clamoring hordes of dominant women who crave a date with me from my Craigslist ad. One of two clamorers. The other one, a Ms. Cindy Rella, wanted to know what business I was expanding. I wrote a very nice answer confessing my penchant for the pursuit of a license to be Mr. Miami Vice Mouthpiece. I wondered if her last name was Italian. She never got back to me. Something about having to meet a Ms. White and some ornery dwarfs.

But last night's date was with a real deal domme. Very sweet, age appropriate, smart, and funny. But at best we'll be friends, and I doubt even that. She has a demanding, competitive business, a vanilla guy at home who knows about her daliances and approves, loads of friends, and is looking for "the one true submissive".

She described him as someone who she could keep in her closet to bring out whenever whimsy created need. She was funny and playful about this fantasy but it was her ideal. The other type of guy she liked was one who just went with her flow. No complaints, no negotiation, no bleating or whining. She also said she had little sexual connection to bdsm. If you clean my house, you wait on the corner with a mop and a bucket until I give you permission to come up. She said 95% of all her house boy applicants failed that test.

While this particular test is one I could easily pass, she and I have very different views of our "ideal". Hey, I've given up a marriage, a beautiful coop apartment, a neighborhood -- a life -- to be out of the closet. Please don't put me back there?

Plus, I'd like my dominant to love what I bring to the party. I envision a shared life, not one where I'm on 911 standby.

Plus, there's the sex part. I like the sexah-sexah. Sorry, but bdsm is all about sex for me. Plus, it has been so long since I've had any that I am truly a born-again virgin. I should just all Jonas-Brother-Up and instead of experimenting with taking off my almost twenty year old wedding band, buy myself a purity ring and own it.

Nah, I'm on the prowl for a domme who wants me. With all my quirks and imperfections. Somebody who loves stockings and heels and retro-lingerie. A girl who I'll love to serve, especially when she wakes up in a rumpled t-shirt with bed hair and a bleary eyed look.

I'll know because she'll smile when I bring her coffee in the morning and rub her feet at night. And I'll agree she's always right ... mostly.

Although Labor Day is around the bend, it's still Advo's Summer of Love.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

I agree with your assessment 100%! What can I say? You seek a needle in a haystack but at least you have started searching through the hay. What you are doing takes real courage and lots of patience. I applaud you.

Most even slightly dommie ladies would certainly go for this though:

"A girl who I'll love to serve, especially when she wakes up in a rumpled t-shirt with bed hair and a bleary eyed look...I'll know because she'll smile when I bring her coffee in the morning and rub her feet at night. And I'll agree she's always right ... mostly."

You hit the nail on the head right there! When you find that you'll be living the dream buddy, living the dream.

advochasty said...


Thanks! It is indeed the dream that you seem to live.

I go into my process with few illusions. The very sweet woman I saw last night, who remains completely and totally anonymous and unidentifiable, rightly chided me today for not even e-mailing her a little thank you first.

She was right. I should have written her a little thank you before plastering our evening all over the internet.

But the issue of compatability even within kinkdom is huge. Like, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a slave. Nor do I want to be "owned" or constantly follow my dominant's lead. So am I still submissive?

I'll have the submissive sundae with a smattering of testosterone. No...not too much...wait, wait...that's enough.

Picky, picky, picky.

My shrink asked me if I had dating fantasies. I said no -- all I wanted was for someone to tie me up and make out with me. I haven't made out with a hot woman in eons. Fucking donkey years I haven't made out with anyone. I just wanna do a slow, dry hump grind and suck face.

Am i just some poseur vanilla dude???

Nah, I yam what I yam!

Anonymous said...

Maybe I shouldn't comment since this is your journey but I believe you need a piece of advice.
This lifestyle is about being open, allowing oneself to experience, pushing limits and discovering what rocks our world and soul.
What surprises me most about subs is that none of them is even willing to glimpse outside their cookie cutter vision and maybe just go with the flow.

"Life is like a box of chocolates....." LOL
Too bad you don't want to taste a praline because you didn't like the box it come in.

advochasty said...

Anonymous -

Of course you should comment! I love comments! I appreciate your advice. I really do. I'm the first to admit that I don't have a tremendous amount of "lifestyle" experience. However, trying bdsm lifestyle choices out for size, at least for me, seems a lot more involved than picking the praline center over the coconut one I love so much. It's not like I just started out at this.

And while I may never be the Meriwether Lewis of the lifestyle set, I think I've taken a huge step beyond any "cookie cutter vision" of kinky life.

Aarkey said...

As HMP says, you are at least searching through the haystacks ;)

You're a good man, and a good friend. I'm sure you'll find the perfect woman.

But my girl is already taken! :P