Saturday, February 26, 2011


Last night I attended "The Writing Cage" at Glint and actually publicly read something I'd written here on "Client Nine" about She-Who-Visits. In typical OCD fashion I drilled my stage presence and delivery with mirror readings, stage notes, and attempts at nuanced voice inflection. While the room did not simultaneously leap to their collective feet and give me a teary eyed, embarassingly long, standing ovation - it went well.

And most of all I had fun.

There were so many talented writers, singers, and performers there. From the hilariously funny blogger who wrote of hot boy three ways while eating hot pockets to incredible poets and true short fiction writers it was a night I felt true pride of participation. And the hang with cool, smart, kinky people was so good.

I was supposed to have gone with Crush Girl. She has, however, come to exhibit a singular ambivalence about her interactions with me. Our last date was over a month ago. She was away a week then I was away a week. But on our last date I had told her I was reading and she seemed genuinely eager to come hear me. So she put it in her book.

Now was this a date? Or was it something else?

Earlier this week I had asked her to dinner and she'd replied that since we were seeing each other on Friday anyway we could go out to dinner then.

Date? Or since we were likely to be hungry we could eat...together.

Anyway, on Thursday she texts me and asks if it is okay if she meets me before 8pm. The Writing Cage was from 7pm to 10pm, information I'd given her in the previous text in the thread. What was up?

I texted back that I was running home to feed the dog, zipping back downtown to the soiree which was, once again, from 7pm to 10pm and what was up with the before 8pm deal anyway? If it was at all inconvenient for her there'd be others, I was sure.

Truth be told I had mixed feelings about Crush Girl being at the reading anyway. On the one hand I was really touched she wanted to come listen because my writing has been intensely personal, reasonably creative, and my low-rent literary outlet. However, since I've pretty much concluded that she's just not that into me anyway, I figured she might cramp my oh-so-suave style. I could meet the domme of my dreams at Writing Cage, oh yes I could, yes I could.

She called me and left a voice message.

"Darling, I didn't want to cancel, but a girlfriend from out of town was in and I wanted to have a drink with her, but no, call me and I don't want to miss you."

I decided to banish her. I didn't think her little toe in the water deserved to hear my hearfelt screed. So I texted her that we could reschedule but her friend was here only temporarily and she should catch her while she could.

Haven't heard from her since.

I'm tempted to just drop the whole thing. But perhaps that's rude. She was a set up through a friend and I should have dinner with her and provide face saving closure. I'm really not available to go all in and I don't blame her for not wanting to get involved. She says she wants to continue to see me and she gets straight As for flirting. But what is it they say about actions? I'm calling our once a month fabulous flirt sessions off. I want her and, let's face it, she just doesn't want me.

Now I could easily sexualize this whole thing. The unrequited humiliation factor is hot. Trouble is, I'm just playing with myself, which I do enough of already anyway.

I'm tempted to just not contact her again. But I'll probably opt for the gentlemanly approach and tell her to her face.

This dating stuff is hard. While I try to show it she's just drivin' me back. So maybe this love should just fade away.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

Congrats on the reading! I'm glad to hear it went well! Not sure what to say about the dating thing. It's hard. Lots of times it doesn't seem to make much sense. For me it was so long ago I can barely remember it anyway. I do remember that Her Majesty was spectacularly unavailable for awhile. I went and got seriously involved with someone else while she did likewise. But obviously we got back together and have been married for almost 25 years. These things can be very difficult to predict. I guess my only advice at this point would be to do what you're doing. Keep exploring and leave your options open. I wouldn't necessarily cut it off with Crush Girl but if I were in your shoes I don't think I would chase her overly hard either.

advochasty said...


The reading was really one of the coolest scene things I've been to yet. It was scene/non-scene people and performance. Lots of fun, friendly people. I was actually surprised at how many people I knew and I met some new people I really liked.

I'm not chasing Crush Girl. But maybe you're right. If I just hit pause and see what happens I suppose it keeps options for us both a bit more open.

Meanwhile, I'm having fun and it's kinda cool to be single and at least semi-available. Never know what could be right around the corner.

Thanks for dropping by!!

Subdued said...

Hi Advo,

Great post and congrats on the reading. It does sound like a very cool event. Even though I'm not out in the scene, I have a feeling I'd see people I know -- or at least know of -- there.

I'm a regular reader of your blog and have always felt that I've missed the beginning of the Crush Girl story. I have intended to go back some time and see where she entered the picture, so your note here that she was introduced to you by a friend puts things into a bit of a perspective. I'm assuming the friend knows you're kinky and thinks she is too? As for your more general point, I have experienced the "is it a date or not" confusion -- and have probably caused it as well once or twice in my life.

Congratulations again on the reading.

advochasty said...

Subdued -

Thanks! It was fun. I read the piece about my dinner with She back in June of 2009. There were definitely people at the event you know either personally or virtually. And the readings and performances were incredibly diverse. Really talented people.

Crush Girl was a set up by a friend from my vanilla life who is kinky herself and knows I'm kinky. Crush Girl, while not a domme, is kinky and certainly gives good dommy flirt. We had three great dates and then things derailed.

The first story about her is here. She's mentioned occassionally in following posts.

I often don't get the cues. I'm forever either crushin' hard when my love interest doesn't know I exist or am tone deaf to a woman's attraction to me.

Is there a course I could take maybe?

Totally Tyler said...

Ah! Thank you for the compliments and thank you for sharing at reading! I really enjoyed your piece as well and could relate to that old torturous yearning we sometimes feel. I look forward to hearing you read at future events! :-)

advochasty said...

Tyler -

You were soooo funny!! I kept laughing to myself all weekend!

Any questions!!! LOL!!!

And I love the look of your blog. Great stuff. And thanks for dropping by!!