Sunday, April 17, 2011

Vanilla Serial

This past week I went on three, count them, three e-dates through OKCupid. As I related a post ago, OKCupid is a free, non-fetish, dating site that rates personalities and matches people according to answers on multiple choice questions. In a section of a person's profile, characteristics are expressed in a bar graph against a "norm" of OKC members. For example, someone may be more aggressive, cool, spiritual, or adventurous. A blue bar stretches out to the right of the mid-line expressing how much "cooler" you are than the normal OKC e-dater.

BTW, isn't "OKC" pretty sceney? Like "Over-The-Knee Cupid"? She-Who-Visits actually thought that was what it stood for. Don't I wish!

Anyway, I test off the charts for more "kinky" than the normal OKCupid hopeful, so I figure they must be doing something right. But as I've come to learn this week, what I think is kinky and what OKCupid rates as kinky are two very different things. OKCupid thinks you're kinky if you're bi; or don't believe in monogamy; or would date someone who had sex with a member of the same sex. So there's a gulf, to say the least.

But it has been lots of fun. All three women were smart, thoughtful, funny, and very respectful of my desire to meet a dommy girl. The one on Friday night even reached over and kissed me, on the mouth with tongue, in the dark hors d'oeuvres bar where we met and then dared me to try and turn her on. There she sat, directly opposite me; her arms folded to wield her ample decolletage! Now, since I have a way with words, if I do say so myself, I succeeded in meeting her hot challenge - or so she said. But she was already seeing a Mennonite and I suppose dating me would be like going out with a Pigalle street walker by comparison.

She messaged me this morning that it seemed to her I wanted to hook-up with someone who wanted to live "the lifestyle" and she simply wanted to meet someone she liked and who liked her. It was clear, however, that somewhere inside, percolating like an errant underground spring; she had a kinky streak. She just didn't want to go there. She wanted the Mennonite.

I like this serial vanilla dating because these women reflect me back at myself and push me to really think about what it is I want. My kink is pretty manageable I think. 24/7 slave? No way. A completely female led relationship? I've always had a problem with authority. I can tick off a list of preferences, none of which are particularly involved, but I think it's the connection and the attitude that really takes me there.

And I'm not going to compromise or settle. That's not to say that in the day-to-day clinches of a relationship I wouldn't give. I have a giving and accomodating nature. Just ask She-Who-Visits! Nobody grovels like me, says She. In the end, I'm looking for a somewhat scene savvy, dominant woman who wants to invite me to share her unique adventure - and together we'll make it ours.

I'll know her when I see her. I've given up too much and come too far to not keep looking. Ya might even say I've fought for my right to be chosen by the domme girl of my dreams.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

You are bravely going where few men have gone before. anyway. I am listening with rapt attention to your tales of adventure and daring do.

Personally I always went the vanilla route first and confessed my kink when the fires were stoked to a raging glow. I did pretty well with that. But it takes time and of course there are no guarantees. Your way sounds a lot more direct.

God (Goddess?) speed amigo! ;-)

advochasty said...


My profile on OKC screams "kinky bastard" and I'm amazed at how people don't seem to get it. Then if they get it, there is a huge gulf if they have no experience with someone from our tribe.

There's a certain anonymity in e-dating. I'm sure I'm deluding myself, but I feel free to disclose things that I never would if I were on a blind date set up by a friend - unless the friend pre-screened for kink quotient.

Perhaps another Craigslist ad? Maybe more attention on the kink dating sites? FetLife? A sign around my neck??

Subdued said...

Hi Advo,

Definitely also interested in following your OKC adventures. I'll admit to never having been much of a dater -- even in the days before my current LTR. Computer dating I find alternately intriguing and horrifying. After your post I checked out OKC and, fueled, perhaps, by a big fight with my SO, went through the listings for a vicarious thrill. Immediately I was confronted with a picture of someone I'm sure I know, but can't place. Possibly from the BDSM world, or possibly from my vanilla world. Then, I quickly stumbled across a well known figure from the Scene using her scene name. It seemed a lot less anonymous and impersonal than I thought.

advochasty said...

Subdued -

Do tell...

I've actually found it lots of fun. No real connection yet, but it's lots of fun.

It's my "spaghetti-against-the-wall" theory of life.

The more you throw against the wall the better chance ya got of sumpthin' stickin'!

Very scientific!