Wicked Game

Miss Troy Orleans has a very thought provoking post on Max about chastity. I'm so glad she has posted. When I first joined Max I looked forward to getting to know her and loved reading her posts. Then she kinda stopped. The Max board has been a truly wonderful place for me, despite all its problems, and when she stopped I felt her absence though I didn't even know her. I've met her briefly and pretty religiously read her blog Whipsmart. She's got such a gorgeously hot vocabulary!

Anyway, while I responded to her post, it got me thinking more about the complexity of chastity as it is the core of my bdsm self. No ropes, no leather, no whacking ... just a committed bond with my "keyholder". For me, the "key" has been largely metaphoric. I've done most of my stints in chastity without a device.

Sometimes, I've done self-imposed chastity. I'll deny myself for two or three weeks at a time. It's a bit lonely and incomplete. No one to honor and please. No one to taunt me and tease me. No one to seduce and deny me. But going there reminds me of how much I love the taste of that full frontal romanti-submission. It is mind altering and consciousness bending. It is drug like.

The dark side of chastity for me is how much it's like getting intoxicated. I get completely shitfaced on my need for release and the counter-weight of chivalrous integrity in service of her desire to keep me chaste. These days I'm pretty scared of chastity. I can get pretty hammered and trashed at the two week mark of on-my-honor purity. Does it affect my life? Must I deny myself the essence of my kink? Should I develop other passionate bdsm interests? Should I just say no?

Then again, maybe I just need the right guide. My very own Chastity Director? Maybe that's a fine reason to remain Client Nine and a Half ...

'Cos I do so love the wicked game.