Monday, January 19, 2009

A Bad Word For A Good Thing

Last night my wife and I were watching "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" on HBO. I'm always slightly worried when this show comes on and she and I are watching together. Guaranteed, dollars to doughnuts, Hannah/Belle, played by the very hot Billie Piper, gets up to something that causes the trouble and strife to make a snide comment. I was not disappointed last night. Not to ruin the plot for you if you like the show and haven't seen it, but there's a golden shower scene. Yah, no big deal. Even "Sex In The City" had a shower thing when Carrie was dating John Slattery, the "Mad Men" guy, and he wanted her to piss on him. Come on! It's good clean fun, Carrie! Plus, he was way cooler than Big. Alas, Ms. Bradshaw dumped him because of his kink.

Even Belle, who last season tried out domming, actually seemed kinda put off. The guy supplies wardrobe and stage direction leading to a classic straddle over the tub. That's all I'm sayin'. So as Ms. Belle lets fly to the deeply satisfied look on her client's face, the spouse exclaims sarcastically, "Advo, this is right up your alley, isn't it?"

Now, I just let these comments alone these days. When money gets less tight, we're going to try a separation to see if we can be together more separately. No sense in antagonizing the situation further. My last attempt at strained bonhomie was the purchase of "When Someone You Love Is Kinky". My suggestion that maybe we read it together was met with incredulous rage. So I just laughed uneasily at her accurate observation of me and domme pee. When we met twenty years ago I honestly told her what I'd gotten up to - though since I met her I have never confessed to my forays. These days she's angry enough that she neglects no opportunity to impale me on my selective honesty.

She pressed on by saying, "You paid for women to do that to you, right?" Silence from your ill at ease author. "Probably not as cute as her though." Whoa! Now wait a minute! I think Billie Piper is pretty hot, but I've seen waaaay cuter prodommes. Much cooler, smarter, more interesting, more caring. While "Secret Diary" seems to get some of the sex worker conflict right - it's treatment of bdsm relegates it to the extreme, wierd, and esoteric. And here was my wife, who I really love, certain and convinced that all dommes are mean, disfunctional, whip-toting, manhaters who are ugly to boot. Look, I'm not surprised. But now that my kink, which was compartmentalized away in a dark freezer, has begun to see the light of day, it has melted and seeped everywhere. It has throughly soaked the very fabric of my life. Kinda like Billie's hot shower!

I held my tongue again because responding with the truth would be too much for her to bear. Too much that many prodommes are facinating, beautiful, accomplished women. Too much that lots of submissive men are smart, talented, thoughtful guys struggling just like everyone else to be happy. Too much that we pay our hard earned money for what, as Yin suggests this week, can often be a compassionately choreographed healing ritual. Why can't people just get this?

Maybe it's because what we like is just a bad word for a good thing.

Climb the highest mountain, walk the wildest street
Won't somebody tell me, can't somebody see?
Go into the valley, go into the swamp
Won't somebody tell me where I can get me some?
I need a bad word, for a good thing.

-The Friggs- "Bad Word"


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

Thank goodness we attended certain gatherings of right minded folk where restraint of tongue and pen was encouraged! Good for you for holding your tongue. I am sorry to hear there is so much strife at home but I can certainly relate. Truthfully, my Queen would have said something pretty similar to what your wife said to you albeit with less venom behind it. She always calls my attention to kinky stuff on TV. She knows I am wired this way and she usually does so in an affectionate and humorous way, though there is still some lingering resentment from my past escapades. As for GS she knows for a fact that I paid good money to have that particular act performed on me and even knows that I consumed. I have asked her to perform similar sacraments with me but alas to no avail. That appears to be a hard limit for her which I must respect.

I certainly agree that a good session can be "a compassionately choreographed healing ritual". Kudos to Mistress Yin! I really like that phrase!

All The Best


advochasty said...

I suppose it's all about the intent with which attention is drawn. Nice observation about respect for limits. Always a need for compromise no matter what the nature of the relationship.

More importantly, whaddaya thinka the friggin' Friggs. I didn't know about them until I found their music the other day! Way hot!

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

I haven't heard them yet. I can't stream video content at work. Not enough bandwidth! LOL! I will definitely check them out and get back to you. Love the name of the band for sure!

advochasty said...

Actually, I put the song up in my new section - "Advo's Coolest Songs In The World" (An homage to Little Steven's Coolest Song in the World from his Sirius/XM Underground Garage Show.)

I'm trying it out. Combo of iLike and Blogger lets you do playlists. Pretty fun. Just push the little arrow next to the song! But check out the video. There's a shot you'll like. The bar in the video and the band hail from Philly! I shoulda dedicated the video to you!!

Aarkey said...

Ugh. That's not a lot of fun Advo, though I have to applaud your ability to refrain from taking the bait. I don't know how I would react in a situation like that, with all that history too - it's just stuff that I simply do not know, but what I do know is how tough it is tough when someone we care about judges us like that. :-/

FWIW, while Billie has an outstanding figure, I don't find her particularly attractive at all. And there are definitely some dommes out there who are every bit as attractive to the mainstream as she is, and several who are more so in my eyes.

Oh, and I just found the music to be loud... I couldn't understand the lyrics well enough at all. And if that means I'm old, so be it! :P

advochasty said...

Aarkey -

Thanks for your kind and supportive words. Her painful judgement is borne more of a feeling on her part that I've rejected her. I have lots of patience for our process and writing about it - as well as receiving supportive comments - really helps. Thanks again!!

Billie has an outstanding figure??? Why...I really hadn't noticed ... ;-) I'll have to look much closer.

As for the music ... Dude, sheesh and gah!! Yer sayin' it's too loud and ya can't get the lyrics??? Lyrics he wants?? are getting old! ;-)

Actually, I did print one verse and the MP3 in Advo's Coolest Songs is a better listen than the vid. The video was the only one I could find and the whip swinging, cowboy hat wearing, I'm assuming band member in it was worth all the din and static. One of the Friggs guitar girls, Palmyra Delran has a cool new EP out called "She Digs The Ride".

Yah, us old guys have to try extra hard to be hip, man.

advochasty said...

For my friend ... old, over-the-hill Aarkey ... who thinks rock 'n roll is too loud and the lyrics are too hard to understand. ;-)

Bad Word For A Good Thing
by The Friggs

Down on lover's lane about ten years ago.
I was looking for a thing that I didn't know.
I asked a friend about it he said you must be strained.
He said you know about it but by another name.

It's just a bad word for a good thing.

I saw the fortune teller up on 4th and Vine
But she wouldn't sell me love potion number 9.
I went to see the gypsy to have my fortune read
She looked into a crystal ball and this is what she said.

I see a bad word for a good thing

Ark ... the final verse is in the post. Hey, I'm sure there are some very nice Light FM stations in South Fla, right? ;) Enjoy!!