A Bad Word For A Good Thing

Last night my wife and I were watching "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" on HBO. I'm always slightly worried when this show comes on and she and I are watching together. Guaranteed, dollars to doughnuts, Hannah/Belle, played by the very hot Billie Piper, gets up to something that causes the trouble and strife to make a snide comment. I was not disappointed last night. Not to ruin the plot for you if you like the show and haven't seen it, but there's a golden shower scene. Yah, no big deal. Even "Sex In The City" had a shower thing when Carrie was dating John Slattery, the "Mad Men" guy, and he wanted her to piss on him. Come on! It's good clean fun, Carrie! Plus, he was way cooler than Big. Alas, Ms. Bradshaw dumped him because of his kink.

Even Belle, who last season tried out domming, actually seemed kinda put off. The guy supplies wardrobe and stage direction leading to a classic straddle over the tub. That's all I'm sayin'. So as Ms. Belle lets fly to the deeply satisfied look on her client's face, the spouse exclaims sarcastically, "Advo, this is right up your alley, isn't it?"

Now, I just let these comments alone these days. When money gets less tight, we're going to try a separation to see if we can be together more separately. No sense in antagonizing the situation further. My last attempt at strained bonhomie was the purchase of "When Someone You Love Is Kinky". My suggestion that maybe we read it together was met with incredulous rage. So I just laughed uneasily at her accurate observation of me and domme pee. When we met twenty years ago I honestly told her what I'd gotten up to - though since I met her I have never confessed to my forays. These days she's angry enough that she neglects no opportunity to impale me on my selective honesty.

She pressed on by saying, "You paid for women to do that to you, right?" Silence from your ill at ease author. "Probably not as cute as her though." Whoa! Now wait a minute! I think Billie Piper is pretty hot, but I've seen waaaay cuter prodommes. Much cooler, smarter, more interesting, more caring. While "Secret Diary" seems to get some of the sex worker conflict right - it's treatment of bdsm relegates it to the extreme, wierd, and esoteric. And here was my wife, who I really love, certain and convinced that all dommes are mean, disfunctional, whip-toting, manhaters who are ugly to boot. Look, I'm not surprised. But now that my kink, which was compartmentalized away in a dark freezer, has begun to see the light of day, it has melted and seeped everywhere. It has throughly soaked the very fabric of my life. Kinda like Billie's hot shower!

I held my tongue again because responding with the truth would be too much for her to bear. Too much that many prodommes are facinating, beautiful, accomplished women. Too much that lots of submissive men are smart, talented, thoughtful guys struggling just like everyone else to be happy. Too much that we pay our hard earned money for what, as Yin suggests this week, can often be a compassionately choreographed healing ritual. Why can't people just get this?


Maybe it's because what we like is just a bad word for a good thing.

Climb the highest mountain, walk the wildest street
Won't somebody tell me, can't somebody see?
Go into the valley, go into the swamp
Won't somebody tell me where I can get me some?
I need a bad word, for a good thing.

-The Friggs- "Bad Word"