Saturday, January 31, 2009

Money Honey

The best sex I've had in my life has been with prodommes. Granted, I have an expansive, poly-fetishistic view of what constitutes sex. I related to Unspeakable Axe's term "fuckless fucking". Virtually all of my experiences with prodommes have not involved "penetrative sexual intercourse". But for me, nearly all my escapades with prodommes have been deeply and profoundly sexual.

These days, I'm just not much for booking appointments. Despite the deep allure of the clandestine sado-sneak away, it has been sometime since I've ticked off a session wishlist and handed over a envelope stuffed with tribute lucre. Mind you, I have nothing against pro sessions. I'm not saying for a moment I would not do it again. But for right now, I like trying to meet kinky people and seeing where those relationships go.

For some time I've been thinking about the deeper functions of tribute in a prodomme session. Unadorned it is simply a fair wage for a safe, sane, and skilled service. The existance of the market encourages dommes to hone a craft that must be learned, practiced, and refined. The market allows someone like me, who can't dedicate a tremendous amount of time to lifestyle searching, to satisfy deep needs that a vanilla relationship, no matter how close and committed, will never satisfy. A tribute frees me to say "this is exactly what I want" and frees her to respond or not based upon scenes and skills she likes and possesses or dislikes and has not developed.

When a prodomme-client relationship evolves into something more than the not-so-arm's-length business transaction it is at its heart; tribute takes on a more complicated role. I have not become friends with many dommes I've sessioned with. But in the few instances I have I've variously experienced tribute or a financial arrangement of some sort to both allow a deeper closeness and maintain a stronger buffer that helps one or the other of us feel more comfortable. After all, if you're paying for it or being paid for it, in spite of how deep your feelings for the other may be, how really personal can that scene be?

A financial arrangement lets both domme and client walk the down and dirty and not have to face each other over cornflakes in the morning. Money supports the esoteric. It allows a domme to practice and hone an intricate rope bondage predicament and find a willing stream of appreciative playmates who reward her study. There are so many good and positive things about the market for professional bdsm services.

But for now, for me, the cash in the envelope paid for session doesn't ring the bell of my heart. Because I think at bottom, money changes everything. Wait ... are Cyndi's feet bare? Ya want how much to lick 'em?


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

Like you I never minded paying a tribute. In fact I always wanted to go above and beyond with little tokens of adoration and devotion. Nothing that would break the bank mind you! I'm not talking precious gems here! I refer to thoughtful little gestures and tokens of my affection. Yummy little treats, slinky lingerie or decadent little toiletries, a mix CD or two not to mention home grown music, written, produced and dedicated to the one I adored. Then something really special and divinely kinky for her birthday! ;-)

It was a very special relationship to me and I never minded the money. Not one bit. If I could have given her more I would have done so with great pleasure and without a second thought.

Now that it's over I feel a bit differently. I can't say I'm dying to find another charming vixen to fork over my hard earned cash to. Not that I think there is anything wrong with it. I don't! But the truth is my heart belongs to my Queen again and I have no desire to give my devotion to anyone else. My devotion is much more precious than cash because it is an unlimited resource when there is someone in my life whom I adore! But my heart is very full. There is simply no room for any more royalty to occupy it right now! ;-)



marcj said...

"Money changes everything." How true when talking about prodommes.

Like you, the "best" sex I've ever had was with prodommes. By "best" I mean the most intense sexual experiences that emotionally fired me up in ways that plain vanilla sex (a/k/a/ PIV sex) never had.

And the tribute always seemed both fair and protective, for both of us. Tribute meant we could both enjoy what took place between us with no lingering commitments. I only got into trouble when I went looking for lingering commitments. They were never avaailable to the depth that I wanted.
Maybe it's because the experiences that I had were so meaningful to me that I just couldn't imagine not pursuing a relationship if that was what the relationship could contain even part of the time. Gradually and somewhat painfully, I learned prodommes were poor prospects for relationships outside the dungeon. Money does set their expectations and their boundaries from the beginning.

Once money changes hands, there can never be a meaningful, long term relationship possible. Friends of a sort, maybe. For a while, maybe. But nothing more.

For now, that suffices.

It's sad that such great mutual enjoyment of sex doesn't lead to anything.

advochasty said...


Not only did I not mind paying a cash tribute, it is for me its own fetish. When I had it I'd give more than required. When asked I loved deposits. I loved squirreling away deposits for my fetish fund. Once I tried to cash a commission type check from a former job to fund my adventures and the clerk on the window yelled out, "Hey, do we have an account for [insert high profile firm name here]. I was mortified!! When I gave the money to the domme I was seeing at the time and told her the story, she collapsed in hysterics. This totally got me hot, lemme tell ya!!

I love what you said about devotion being more precious than any amount of cash. And you, my friend, have solved the who-deserves-my-devotion puzzle. Always nice to hear from you!!


Just wondering. If "plain vanilla sex" is "PIV" sex, what's the "I" stand for??

I never like to say never. While I think searching for a lasting committment from a client/prodomme relationship is probably unwise, I believe it can happen. It's a total lightening strike, but my relationship with "She-who-visits" is rich, deep, committed, and lasting. She has been and continues to be my solace and safe haven during a very hard time.

It's important to be realistic, but sometimes possibility presents itself.