I just got done listening to Axe's "Masocast" with his friend Ayla. I'm hoping Axe and I can get together soon to tape our own thing. At the very least it will help him dispell the notion that he's only doing the interview thing to chat up dominant women. Sub-cred...that's what I'm offerin' Axe, sub-cred.
Anyway, Ayla sounded really super smart and very thoughtful as she talked about prodomming, meeting submissive men to play with, dealing with trolls and having a public orgasm. Yeowww! Most powerfully for me she provoked reflection early in the interview as she talked about the reasons why she gave up prodomming. Her number one reason was that she felt complicit in the lies of her married clients to their wives and children. She admitted to being totally judgemental about married submissive men who sessioned, served and were collared to prodommes in secret. This maso-inspired mendacity caused very real disdain. If a client asked for "humiliation" from the menu, she let him have it - right between the ... eh ... eyes. "What would your wife think if she saw you now?, she'd snarl."
Whether it is "cheating" to lie to your wife about seeing a prodomme has been talked to death on various boards. The subject inspires intense debate. I think it is flat out cheating but I nevertheless did it for almost 30 years. My wife does not know about "She-Who-Visits", this blog, my life on the Max Board, or any of my kinky friends. But I as I listened to Ayla, it really struck me that her guilt was the flip side of my, as Crimson said, pejorative treatment of "client".
For so many men who have deep urges to submit to a dominant woman, but whose life circumstance won't allow that urge to be a relatively open one, prodommes present a positive and healthy outlet. I can't imagine what I would have done with my overwhelming urges if I hadn't been able to session with the dommes I've seen. Ultimately, because I met an incredible prodomme who respected my marriage and protected hers as well, I was able to shed an awful lot of my legacy of shame and become proud to be a submissive man.** The question is, what does one do with all that newfound "subbie-pride".
Tara Sterling wrote me a wonderful email entitled "Phases, Transitions, Cycles" in which she urged me to go with the flow and not analyze too much. Such wonderful advice. I fear, however, that my current "phase" is one of reflection and rumination. But maybe both Ayla and I should just lighten up and go with the flow.
It's spring. There are flowers to smell, sunshine to chase and open toed sling backs to endlessly oogle. Hey, if it makes us happy, then why the hell are we so sad?
**The re-read sounds a little like client = legacy of shame. That's just me, not all or necessarily even most clients.
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