I was never a man's man or a guy among guys. Never really been one of the boys or hung with all the young dudes. Not that I'm a wuss mind you. I hold my own. But I was a shy, awkward, discomfited kid. I was painfully quiet and mostly felt like I was always the new one - from that boring, uninteresting, non-descript town. To compensate I tried to play sports. I was obsessed with football. Surely I had NFL potential in all my 5'9" and 120lb Heisman bound dreams of glory. I had horrible acne which I slathered with Clearasil; kinky, curly hair which I tried constantly to straighten; and I was so nervous and tongue tied around girls it was a true agony.
At twelve, like an obscure bit of character color in an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel, I snuck little medicine bottles full of bourbon into my preppie dance classes. That got me noticed by the cool kids and until I limped into an AA meeting at 29 years old, my life hanging by a thread, I did a terrible tango with alcohol. Mostly alone, not in bars until all hours of a bloodshot boys night out.
But I picked a part of a profession that's still predominantly male, decidedly macho, and very vocal. I make my money shooting off my mouth and I've gotten pretty good at the whole deal. Some of my hobbies reek embarrassingly of Hemingway or Teddy Roosevelt as I suppose I've tried to overcompensate for the unflinching, small-minded nag of a voice that says I'm not a guy's kind of guy.
I've always confided in women and had them as friends. Somehow it's safer and more comfortable. Women always seem less threatening and not so judgemental. They're more empathetic and supportive. But always hard to put the moves on and seduce. The sex dance has been endlessly puzzling to me. They like me alright, but I just don't have that "seal the deal" gene. It's why I love dominant women.
And now, I'm a sub-guy's guy. If all the congratulations on my blogoversary are a sign, I'm definitely one of the boys - one of the sub-boys. A bottom dude. One of those sincere and fetish-proud guys who long to serve Mistress Right. It has been one of the truly unexpected pleasures of this blog to have connected in such a positive way with other submissive men. Thanks guys! We rock!!
As the Godfather of Soul said, while it's a man's world - it wouldn't be nothing without a woman or a girl. Especially this girl who just nails JB and the whole "it's-a-man's-world-thing" to the wall.
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