Monday, July 6, 2009

A Man's Man?

I was never a man's man or a guy among guys. Never really been one of the boys or hung with all the young dudes. Not that I'm a wuss mind you. I hold my own. But I was a shy, awkward, discomfited kid. I was painfully quiet and mostly felt like I was always the new one - from that boring, uninteresting, non-descript town. To compensate I tried to play sports. I was obsessed with football. Surely I had NFL potential in all my 5'9" and 120lb Heisman bound dreams of glory. I had horrible acne which I slathered with Clearasil; kinky, curly hair which I tried constantly to straighten; and I was so nervous and tongue tied around girls it was a true agony.

At twelve, like an obscure bit of character color in an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel, I snuck little medicine bottles full of bourbon into my preppie dance classes. That got me noticed by the cool kids and until I limped into an AA meeting at 29 years old, my life hanging by a thread, I did a terrible tango with alcohol. Mostly alone, not in bars until all hours of a bloodshot boys night out.

But I picked a part of a profession that's still predominantly male, decidedly macho, and very vocal. I make my money shooting off my mouth and I've gotten pretty good at the whole deal. Some of my hobbies reek embarrassingly of Hemingway or Teddy Roosevelt as I suppose I've tried to overcompensate for the unflinching, small-minded nag of a voice that says I'm not a guy's kind of guy.

I've always confided in women and had them as friends. Somehow it's safer and more comfortable. Women always seem less threatening and not so judgemental. They're more empathetic and supportive. But always hard to put the moves on and seduce. The sex dance has been endlessly puzzling to me. They like me alright, but I just don't have that "seal the deal" gene. It's why I love dominant women.

And now, I'm a sub-guy's guy. If all the congratulations on my blogoversary are a sign, I'm definitely one of the boys - one of the sub-boys. A bottom dude. One of those sincere and fetish-proud guys who long to serve Mistress Right. It has been one of the truly unexpected pleasures of this blog to have connected in such a positive way with other submissive men. Thanks guys! We rock!!

As the Godfather of Soul said, while it's a man's world - it wouldn't be nothing without a woman or a girl. Especially this girl who just nails JB and the whole "it's-a-man's-world-thing" to the wall.


Aarkey said...

I can related across the board, though I changed a bit at a few points - we were on the same path early. Big time. And the sport I always loved was football, though being the smallest kid in a class of almost 800 when I was a Jr. in high school doesn't make you very ready for the sport.

A few critical moments changed things for me, and I did eventually hit puberty and become exactly average sized - much of the impact of those early years still lasts.

Oh, and my big influence was JD Salinger's Holden Caulfield. He was a much greater influence than any other character in any book or movie on me. The whole attitude of "F-it" slowly became a mantra.

Plus, he seemed to be particularly apt at the ceremony of lighting a woman's cigarette as a way to initiate seduction. And that to me was always, all good.

Today I still think most men act like apes. Though I don't feel like I am naturally outside, as much as I choose to be outside.

advochasty said...

I often find that guys apishness ("Slavishly or foolishly imitative") is worst in groups. One on one it's never so bad but the pack mentality is strong. When I was younger I felt sidelined. Now, like you say, I choose to sit that particular game out mostly.

The Caulfield Affect seems so fitting, appropriate, and on the money!

Mistress Veronica NYC said...

What a charmingly effusive post, Advo.

BTW- kinky hair is awesome.

advochasty said...

Mme V -

I am charmed indeed you have dropped by to comment. Always such a pleasure!!

I figured out in my 20's that kinky hair was cool. Down to my shoulders, it went well with my Cancer crab dashiki and my platforms. :-P

Now, I'm totally happy just to have it, and that it spikes nicely with help from a little bit of product!

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

I can definitely identify with a lot of what you share here. I am not really an alpha male either. I was never good at sports, in fact they still bore me to tears. I had the musician thing going for me though which was an automatic ticket to coolness and definitely helped me score with members of the opposite sex. I was also heavily involved with liquor and drugs both of which proved to be quite the "social lubricant". I stumbled into the rooms at 31 years of age only two years later than you did.

I also confided in women and had many female friends. Some were definitely love interests that did not return my affections. Argh! I always hated that! I have always felt that the Mistress/client dynamic carries some of the wonderful/terrible sting of unrequited love with it. I had my share of conquests though and I must confess I was not always kind to members of the opposite sex who could not hold my interest. I was always happiest involved in a long term committed relationship and consider myself something of a serial monogamist.

The gender roles seem to be reversed between Her Majesty and I. She is the avid sports fan while I am frequently the golf or tennis widow. She tends to bury her feelings and push forward with a stiff upper lip while I am the super sensitive one who insists we talk about our feelings. I am the the one who gets all hurt and pouty if we don't get enough "quality time" together. I am the sentimental one who makes a big deal out of birthdays and anniversaries. Did I mention I also do the washing up? :-)

Like you I can hold my own hanging out with the guys. But a man's man? No I definitely think not! ;-)

advochasty said...

I understand that feeling uncomfortable but pursuing it anyway is sometimes referred to as "counter phobic" behavior. I definitely have some of that going on in my life.

I wonder if feeling out of place as truly "one of the guys" isn't a pretty universal submissive man's experience?

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

I once made the mistake of making an unfortunate comment to an alpha male regarding a very attractive nurse. It went something like; "Wow! I bet she gives a great prostate exam!" The look he responded with reminded me (once again) that most guys really DON'T enjoy the same things I do! ;-)

Is feeling out of place as truly "one of the guys" a universal submissive man's experience? Good question. Perhaps it's time for another poll? :-)

(Crap! What does it mean when you get "grief" as your word verification??? :-O)

advochasty said...

Grief -

As in, I'm giving you grief if you don't request a prostate exam from that very attractive nurse!!

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

LOL! Another one of life's missed opportunities I'm afraid! ;-)

Ms. Rayne said...

I think a man's man is kind of dull. I always looked beyond the strutting peacock sort of boys,preferring instead the shy,awkward ones who couldn't quite meet my gaze without blushing. Such a turn on. Much more so than the guy who boasts about his achievements and eyes your cleavage.

And you are much more verbose and much,much less mysogynstic then Hemingway.

advochasty said...

Where has the She you describe been all my life?

You said: "you are much more verbose..."

I love it when you talk dirty! ;-P