Monday, January 18, 2010

This Ain't No Lay Down

My friend Ms. Mahwah Kiss claimed the other day that the reason I have been in so much pain over the sale of my coop and separation from my wife is due to my kinky proclivity to serve a dominant woman. Ms. Kiss maintains that because I am compelled to serve, my inability to sustain alpha-provider status is causing all manner of heartache. The lovely Ms. Mahwah believes she knows this about me because one afternoon when we met for coffee, I insisted on having her sit while I served her coffee and a snack.

I declared, "See, you get a servant when you get involved with the likes of me."

"Hmmm," she mused, "Well I like that!"

Anyway, her whole take on my emotional state these days got me thinking that maybe she was onto something. Even though I do not have a kinky relationship with my wife, there are developed aspects of my bdsm personality in my bond to her. I can recognize my hurt pride for now in not being able to continue to provide as just that - hurt pride. But I have to admit that the depth of my sorrow might be related to a need to serve. At least the thought helps me to manage the ordeal and feel some honor that my submissive side is so actively engaged.

Which brings me to my next point. Since when is submission all about the lay down? Recently, a dominant woman friend confided that she had bottomed a bit and that she loved it because she got to lay back and do nothing. She got to just bliss out in a pleasurable release from any responsibility. Now I suppose there are aspects of sub-space which match up with this description. Certainly, the dominant is often the planner, the decider, and the actor. But I gotta say that for me, submission is very engaged and interactive. I figure out how best to compliment my domme's style, accomodate her preferences and meet her needs. For me, this is the very heart of active submission.

Indeed, there are lots of times when I play with She and she's doing nothing and I'm doing everything. Maybe if I mess up I get punished. But I'm all about being an a vigorous, dynamic bottom. Unless I'm wrapped in Saran wrap...

Come to think of it, just tie me up now and I'll lay here and moan.


Aarkey said...

Congrats on the sale. And perhaps you are just letting things go. There's definitely a process to moving on. I could never put a hard line and say "I'm done with *THAT* feeling now" about any of it.

And your domme (who bottomed) remark definitely echos the point I was shooting for in my reply to HMP's entry about Flagg.

Hrm... this is kinda like having a discussion board in 2 places :P

Be well & congrats on the sale(s)?

advochasty said...

Thanks for the "letting go" comment. I work very hard at not letting myself view it as loss or a failure to produce. So much of this financial move is due to forces beyond control.

I think moving on from what I've had with my wife is a choice and one we are actually succeeding at amicably. Time will certainly tell more.

I like the roving discussion model. Serial opining...

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

I second Aarkey's congratulations on the sale! :-) It's a new chapter for you. A new beginning. And yes that is always a little sad because inevitably we are leaving something (or someone) behind when we move on. As the king of nostalgia and bitter sweet romance I can definitely relate to that feeling.

I think you probably bring a certain amount of your submissive self into any relationship with a woman. The part that wants to be helpful, to do things for her, to win her approval, to make her smile, to take care of her, to comfort and protect know..the chivalrous part. That's just how you feel about women. Oh pardon me. There I go again assuming we are the same person. That's part of how I feel about women. So even if there is no kink involved I will always be a gallant, helpful gentleman. I will always be sentimental and romantic. And I will always feel a little pain at parting even if I know it was meant to be. I will now take a little leap of faith and suggest that you are probably wired the same way that I am! ;-)

As for lying down and getting worked on that's definitely part of being a sub in addition to all the serving, stepping and fetching. It's the sweet sweet reward! The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!!! ;-)

Aarkey I'm finally reading your reply. What point were you trying to make in your reply about Flag?? This really is like having a discussion board in 2 places. Heck make that three places! :-p