Wednesday, October 28, 2009

It Is What It Is...

So... How do you like the GrooveShark widget? I've been on Pandora alot and someone told me about GrooveShark. Compulsive playlisting. Music OCD heaven. When I saw the widget option it was so easy I couldn't resist. Old school hip hop. I'll change it up from time to time. Let me know if you like it...

A lunchtime email from She...uh oh.

Captital letters at the bottom. That's bad. She was going to buy her ticket but ...

Oh wait...

Only two days ago she'd ordered a crinolene skirt and a retro garter belt from Secrets In Lace. Part of a tease plan. She'd told me to line up stores in Miami that sold vintage lingerie. My favorite. At Day 58 it makes my knees buckle. I'd asked on the weekend if she could to give me an idea of when she'd arrive so I could plan meetings...but if she couldn't it was all good. Waay T&D. Heard nothing...

Until today.

Mr. She got an unexpected long weekend, she wrote, and had asked that they spend the found time together. She was stressing on the him or me. Said they'd talk tonight to divide the weekend, but I should come to her.

So I wrote back she shouldn't stress. There was only one answer and I would understandingly ride the backseat. As for coming to her, there's a very good reason I just can't. I've explained this many times. Believe me, if I could - I'd be there in a heartbeat.

So...Friday makes Day 60 and I have an absent keyholder. Funnily enough, I got over the shock pretty quickly. But whence chastity as a mutual bond? Do I I free? Do I wait for her to ask and focus? Maybe tomorrow will bring some new twist.

I'm an emotionally single, needy, play starved subbie. But I'm a married, emotionally single, needy play starved subbie. The wife thinks I'm going to Miami to meet some dominatrix. Meanwhile, my domme is going to spend our weekend with her husband.

Isn't life just a beautifully frustrating adventure? I guess it's all just dead-end roads and warning signs. Frustration surrounds me...solution bid farewell? Sedation, what the hell.

Nah ... I'm a writer. Such great grist for the mill.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Jesus Christ Advo. I am so sorry. What to say? You've got such a whimsical well adjusted attitude about all of this. I can definitely learn from that.

I was up tossing, turning and stressing out over a minor frustration in my own relationship but you really helped me put it in perspective. Thank you for that.

Many times I have almost deleted my blog. Then I realize writing helps keeps me sane.

word verification=stris as in no use strissing out over absent key holders....

second word verification=subilyp as in if my Mistress keeps on frustrating me like this I just might give her some subbie lip! ;-)

advochasty said...

Believe me, it is not all whimsy. And who knows what twist today will bring.

The events of yesterday put into sharp relief for me that I really am emotionally single, but because my wife and I live together and are married, I'm not available.

So I've fallen in love with a married domme. One who is not always focused on anything resembling my emotional needs. My choice. Do the crime...gotta do the time.

But once again, as I seem to have done quite a bit this past year, I'm left with wondering whether it is worth it.

The realization that I am, for all intent and purpose, an older single guy in love with a beautiful, younger, married woman was not pretty.

Steve said...

I would think that the good news is that she does seem to care about you. Life is complicated and not knowing her situation it seems odd that her husband would have to fly in. I think if you keep true to yourself it will all work out.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

@Advo - Reality has such sharp edges. Bumping up against them really sucks sometimes.

Subdued said...

"The realization that I am, for all intent and purpose, an older single guy in love with a beautiful, younger, married woman was not pretty."

-- I've been reading your blog for a while and it always seems to me that you've had this realization. At certain times you are accepting of it and the complications it brings, and at other times it causes stress and inner turmoil. And, it seems like you are always on the lookout for new possibilities, so it never feels like you've accepted being stuck in the situation with She.

What makes things more complicated is the chastity play, which, if you're not into abandonment fantasies, would seem to require a relationship with a bit more predictability. Without that, it'd probably be easier to embrace the more spontaneous (or at least fluid) situation you have with She.

advochasty said...

Steve -

There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that she cares as much about me as I do about her. She is much less direct about her expression of that care and she's the original be here now kinda girl. Mostly, if I'm out of sight I'm most often out of mind.

I'm pretty good at being true to myself these days, though the emotional pull to pout and stamp my feet and throw things is strong.

Not sure about your reference to her husband "flying in", but I think it's possible that he wanted to assert his alpha-subbieness. She'd known about this trip since July. So did he. A bit of territory marking is afoot.

I don't blame him. She's a wonderful person. And after all, she's his, not mine.

Thanks for dropping by man!


Sometimes reality's sharp edges cut with wonderful, positive, clarity and sometimes they scratch you up a bit. I'm thinking it's a bit of both here.

Subdued -

Hey man, long time no see!! Thanks for dropping by. Always so nice to hear from you.

The difference is in my realization of my increasing "singleness". My trips to Florida, both with and without She, and some of what I'm doing here at home have me feeling increasingly single. Those feelings bring both the positive and the more trying aspects of that status into the light.

Gotta say that I overall like it, but one of the things that made my feelings for She more grounded and okay was the fact that we were both strongly connected to our respective significant others.

Now that I'm not so connected to my wife, I'm feeling the lonliness and the futility of the deep emotional bond I have to She all the more.

But you are on the money about the chastity. This sort of play requires more involvement than She can give. She's thousands of miles away, working in a very demanding job, active with friends and spouse ... and then there's me.

No more chastity play with She.

But what to do with my soon to be 60 days? Ask her permission? Do the deed unilaterally?

I'm thinkin' I'm gonna go for the gold!! I promised 66 Days and I'm going for it. Even if She never raises the subject. That's what I promised.

They don't call it "on-my-honor" chastity for nothing!

Thanks for the comment. It was much appreciated.

Steve said...

Advo, just meant that i think it's weird she doesn't live with her husband. that doesn't sound like a great marriage to me, but then again i'm talking about something i know nothing about.

advochasty said...

I guess going into the details of someone's life on the internet is just gauche. Mr. and Mrs. She have quite a strong marriage and are very close. Whatever their understandings are about openess and on seeing other people have certainly worked up until now.

I know they are sufficiently close that he knew of her plans. The unexpected block of time made him want to spend time with his lovely wife. Who am I to argue with that?