It is so unbecoming to whine. One should just suck it up. No muttered, grumbling asides. No sniveling simper-fests. But look. It's my blog and if I feel like yammering and yawping you all are going to get an earful. So give this offering a wide berth if you believe in the stiff upper lip. But if you like a little pout every now and again, then join me while I stamp my feet and squawk.
It's Day 53 of on my honor chastity. It's been years since since I've lasted this long. It's definitely an altered state of consciousness. I find I have more energy and need less sleep. While I'm not insanely horny all the time - sometimes I am deliciously out of my mind. Stir in that practically every aspect of my cozy, familiar life is in a serious state of flux and I end up wanting just a little tending.
I think a domme has a responsibility to check in on the chasened. When She couldn't come to Miami last month She asked me to wait. Until Day 66. So now, at her urging, I'm less than two weeks away from the goal line. She and I are bound up together in this process. It was not my idea and I'm not wanting to be ungrateful that she asked me to do this. But as is often the case with her, I'm feeling ignored and sorry for myself. It feels like weeks since she even asked how the chastity is going. Is it too much to want a little encouragement?
Yesterday after just missing me on the phone, She left a voice mail asking if I knew off the top of my head whether there was a fetish store in town that sold latex sheets. Not for her, but for Mr. D. Mr. D is the subbie hubbie of Ms. D - She's predecessor in her vanilla job. Ms. D is a domme. Now what are the chances of that? Of all the gin joints in the world... There on her perfect little Carribean Island, She has a nice kinky coffee klatch whenever the mood hits.
So I called Leatherman and had a fun chat with the sales guy about their Mind Fetish and Nasty Pig rubber fitted sheet offerings. I sent her website links, prices and of course offered to pick up the preferred bedding choice.
At her further request, I sent her flight information. Her exact words were she needed to make her reservations before it was too late and it just didn't make sense. So far as I know, She has not made her reservations yet. Nor has she dispatched me to do bedding shopping.
So She is teasing...right?
I'm not going to push or ask. When I do that She just gets mad. Either she'll book her flight for our weekend or she won't. If she doesn't, I'm sure I'll have another great time on my own down there. If she does come, I know it will be heaven. But come what may shouldn't I get at least a little pat on the head for making it through my days. I don't require much. Just occassional acknowledgement. I am learning I need an engaged keyholder. I suppose I could just sexualize being ignored but it seems too lonely.
While She is enjoying her weekend in the Caribbean sun - I'm a lonely, hurty, horny mess. And on top of it all, Alisa at Kink in Exile, thinks I'm a downright offensive, presumptive, submissive who doesn't see women as "holistic beings" and is unable to find a single sucker of a girl who will have even the most rudimentary of conversations about kinky sex ("or sex of any kind") with disrespectful, nasty, ill behaved old me.
Hey, I told you it was a pity party. Go way...it's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to.
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