Saturday, October 24, 2009

An Ungrateful Kvetch

It is so unbecoming to whine. One should just suck it up. No muttered, grumbling asides. No sniveling simper-fests. But look. It's my blog and if I feel like yammering and yawping you all are going to get an earful. So give this offering a wide berth if you believe in the stiff upper lip. But if you like a little pout every now and again, then join me while I stamp my feet and squawk.

It's Day 53 of on my honor chastity. It's been years since since I've lasted this long. It's definitely an altered state of consciousness. I find I have more energy and need less sleep. While I'm not insanely horny all the time - sometimes I am deliciously out of my mind. Stir in that practically every aspect of my cozy, familiar life is in a serious state of flux and I end up wanting just a little tending.

I think a domme has a responsibility to check in on the chasened. When She couldn't come to Miami last month She asked me to wait. Until Day 66. So now, at her urging, I'm less than two weeks away from the goal line. She and I are bound up together in this process. It was not my idea and I'm not wanting to be ungrateful that she asked me to do this. But as is often the case with her, I'm feeling ignored and sorry for myself. It feels like weeks since she even asked how the chastity is going. Is it too much to want a little encouragement?

Yesterday after just missing me on the phone, She left a voice mail asking if I knew off the top of my head whether there was a fetish store in town that sold latex sheets. Not for her, but for Mr. D. Mr. D is the subbie hubbie of Ms. D - She's predecessor in her vanilla job. Ms. D is a domme. Now what are the chances of that? Of all the gin joints in the world... There on her perfect little Carribean Island, She has a nice kinky coffee klatch whenever the mood hits.

So I called Leatherman and had a fun chat with the sales guy about their Mind Fetish and Nasty Pig rubber fitted sheet offerings. I sent her website links, prices and of course offered to pick up the preferred bedding choice.

At her further request, I sent her flight information. Her exact words were she needed to make her reservations before it was too late and it just didn't make sense. So far as I know, She has not made her reservations yet. Nor has she dispatched me to do bedding shopping.

So She is teasing...right?

I'm not going to push or ask. When I do that She just gets mad. Either she'll book her flight for our weekend or she won't. If she doesn't, I'm sure I'll have another great time on my own down there. If she does come, I know it will be heaven. But come what may shouldn't I get at least a little pat on the head for making it through my days. I don't require much. Just occassional acknowledgement. I am learning I need an engaged keyholder. I suppose I could just sexualize being ignored but it seems too lonely.

While She is enjoying her weekend in the Caribbean sun - I'm a lonely, hurty, horny mess. And on top of it all, Alisa at Kink in Exile, thinks I'm a downright offensive, presumptive, submissive who doesn't see women as "holistic beings" and is unable to find a single sucker of a girl who will have even the most rudimentary of conversations about kinky sex ("or sex of any kind") with disrespectful, nasty, ill behaved old me.

Hey, I told you it was a pity party. Go's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to.


Volond said...

53!?! Without encouragement? I'm speechless - really.

As for Alisa's post, I'll pitch in my 2 cents worth. First, I haven't followed her blog at all (other than your exchange), so I am talking out of my ass (so to speak).

She strikes me as a young woman who wants to see the world as it should be, not as it is. All people should be nice and all people should see others for what they really are, on the inside, not what they look like on the outside. This hasn't been my experience. There are no freebies and, I am sad to admit, I am Shallow Hal... and I have a very strong suspicion that most people are too (even women... and, I suspect, even Alisa as much as she wants to deny it). We can either ignore it or deal with it.

Ehh... sorry, I got sidetracked... Dude - Day 53!? I have no idea how you managed to last this long.

advochasty said...

Hey Volond,

As I was working on this post last night, She texted me and said I could call her. Unfortunately, my BB was in the other room. I am just an ungrateful kvetch.

Something happens after a month. The sun comes out and the wind picks up and I'm at sail on adventuresome seas!! Every interaction with an attractive woman is a sublime, heady encounter.

As for Alisa, it's just weird. We've emailed and g-chatted and we even had lunch when she visited NYC this past year. I would have thought she'd see me for the more "holistic" person I am.

Trouble is that the whole is a sum of parts and a chunk of me sizes up every attractive woman I meet and wonders if she'd beat me with length of fiber optic cable.

It's never the only thought I have, but it's one of the more fun ones!!

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi Advo:

I will echo Volond's admiration regarding your mind numbing chastity record. Day 53??? Holy shit dude! You really need to win a gold medal for that! Which begs the question "what other kinky competitions might also be included in such an Olympics?" See? I'm just like you. A child.

I'm no spring chicken. If I'm not a responsible adult by now I'm never gonna be! But I must admit I find young dommes demanding to be treated like "holistic beings" while telling older men to "act like responsible adults" simply adorable! :-p

Regarding your situation with She, I don't blame you for whining. I know she's amazing but as far as I'm concerned you have the patience of a saint. If I were in your shoes I would probably have blown it with her a long time ago! My fingernails would be chewed to the quick by now. I would have taken up knitting. There would be a trail of bodies buried somewhere. I HATE BEING IGNORED!!!!! See? Another glaring example of my undeniable immaturity! LOL!

One of the reasons I held off suggesting chastity play in my marriage for so long was the fear that my Queen would just ignore me and let me suffer indefinitely. That would not appeal to me in the slightest. In fact it would have me stewing in my own juices (literally) in no time. So I can very much relate. This quote of yours also reminded me of my relationship with my Queen; "I'm not going to push or ask. When I do that She just gets mad." Wow! Have I ever been down that road! :-o

In closing I would just like to say that we subbie men are who we are. You can't make us into who you would like us to be any more than you can transform a beer guzzling, type A, macho slob into Barak Obama. You can't put us on a shelf and ignore us until it's time to take us down, dust us off and show us off to your friends either. We have needs too ya know!!! Oh yeah and though we will bend over backwards (and forwards) to please a beautiful dominant woman we are not always mature, well adjusted, emotionally healthy, saintly, self abnegating bastions of political correctness!!! Yes I AM starring at your adorable stocking covered toes peeking out from your luscious peeka-boo pumps!! So there!!!! ;-)

advochasty said...

I think in her mind She's not ignoring me at all. We've been in good touch and if anything, I've been busy when She calls to check in.

I think I just get needy and want my Maypo when I want it. When is it good to beg and whine for attention and when is it a bother?

When do you just say, "this is what I want and need" and when do you go with the flow?

At Day 53 I occassionally become a creature of pent-up desire. I don't know whether my kvetch is justified or the spoiled rantings of a needy chastity freakazoid.

"I must admit I find young dommes demanding to be treated like "holistic beings" while telling older men to "act like responsible adults" simply adorable!"

Classic HMP!! Thanks man, I needed that.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

"I think I just get needy and want my Maypo when I want it." Boy howdy can I ever identify with that sentiment! :-p

"When is it good to beg and whine for attention and when is it a bother?" It's never good to beg and whine in my situation because it irritates the living shit out of Her Majesty. It's always o.k. to ask for what I want but I have to be an adult when she gives me her answer even if it's not the one I want to hear.

"When do you just say, "this is what I want and need" and when do you go with the flow?" I still struggle with this one bro. It seems to change on a daily basis.

"I don't know whether my kvetch is justified or the spoiled rantings of a needy chastity freakazoid." It doesn't really matter. Like you said it's your blog. It's good to be king! Besides I tried to match you kvetch for kvetch, which was no small feat! ;-)

"Thanks man, I needed that." I'm very glad I could help my friend! :-)

advochasty said...

So She emailed this morning saying she's booking her travel this weekend. She wrote a really nice letter about her evening with Ms. and Mr. D. She wants me to visit her so I can meet them.

Isn't she sweet?

I'm glad I'm king of my blog and get to just blow off steam, hopefully without offending too many people.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Congratulations! That is so awesome!! Yes, she sounds like a doll. Have a spectacular, wonderful and totally amazing time!!! :)