Sunday, August 3, 2008

Parlor Games

It's so important to be straightforward about your kink. In my constant process of self evaluation and introspection I've learned that honesty is truly the best policy. Confess and ye shall be free! So ...

I just hate board games. If ya really wanna torture me make me play Scrabble or Boggle or Pictionary. It's not just that I don't like 'em. I despise 'em. It's weirdly phobic. Like my fear of heights. It's like I'm back in eighth grade gettin' called on in math class to recite some formula I can't cram into my head. The whole deal. Sweaty palms, short little breathes, furtive and darty eyes. Jeez it's tough!!

I should be made to face my fears like I did on the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island. Made to grip the letter tray in abject terror, cowering at your superior word smithing ability. Humiliated by your deft use of obscure three letter mots made entirely of useless consonants as you score a triple word slam dunk.

You'll make me keep score. You'll laugh and ask, "What's the count again, I forget." You eye me with a mix of sympathy and glee.

Because you know when it comes to Scrabble ... baby I'm born to lose.

No comments: