Why, you may rightfully ask, am I talkin' about my marriage on a kink blog? I don't play in my marriage. I don't even have sex. No kinda sex. Not even an itty bitty handjob ...
But it strikes me that alot of clients of prodommes have got to be at least a little like me. Married, love their wives but play with prodommes. I suppose some are completely cool with that dichotomy and integrate it seamlessly into their lives.
Maybe others have an "understanding". Bdsm playtime ... it's not really sex. No kissing, caressing, canoodling, making out - and no intercourse. So, okay honey, go see your little leather wearing friend who whips you once a month as long as our sex thing is cool.
My situation is a bit different, but I'm sure far from uncommon. For years I just slunk out when the urge to session hit. I was a sneaky, world class, secret agent of kink. So what if I felt guilty and ashamed. For many years I was completely isolated. I kept the secret all by myself. While I rationalized my need, the feelings of deep ignominy were sometimes overpowering. But gradually I became a bit more comfortable. For a time I saw a truly great domme who was just this sweet, nice, normal seeming person after our hot, nasty, dirty-sexy sessions.
Then I got caught ... oops. I took a long break which included two years of couple therapy with my wife. I've never completely confessed to my kinkified shenanegans and don't intend to, since it would just cause too much pain. But since I've been back exploring my kink again I feel pretty completely unashamed and am pretty guiltless. I realize that it's not really possible for me to be completely "out", but I'm working hard at some measure of integration and less compartmentalization.
I talk with my wife about the possibility of us finding sexual satisfaction outside our relationship but remaining married. There's just too much baggage - veritable steamer trunks full - to expect any meaningful sexual connection between us at this stage. I'm trying hard to be nice and supportive and physically affectionate with her and while it ain't happening over night, it seems to be working.
How I'd react to her having a lover is altogether unclear. I do have cuckolding fantasies and what's good for this goose has to be okay for the gander. We shall see.
Some of my buddies on Max suggested service. Bring her this, do that, rub her feet, carry her bags. She can't stop the fantasy that's playing in your head, advo. Try it, you'll like it.
But I do all that. There's a big difference between even a little spark of dominant mischief in your partner and none at all. There is no spark in this process and I can't manipulate it - she's got to want to offer it and it just isn't there.
Maybe, because I honestly want to meet kinky people and make kinky friends, I can negotiate for event attendance rights. That way, I could go to a Cat O' Nine party, a TES meeting or a munch without fear of being "caught". That way I could have more kinky friends, integrate the process into my marriage and feel less like a lurky, covert, creeper up to all manner of masochistic tomfoolery.
Then, really swinging for the fences, my wife and I could have a more sexually open relationship and I could meet a dominant woman who understood all this, really liked me and wanted to play, all hot and nasty, with little old me. A guy can dream, can't he?
Then again, I'll truly miss all that sneaking around. No more swingin' on the Riviera one day and layin' in a Bombay alley next day ...
Prostate - Milking vs Orgasm
10 months ago